Life is not easy, nor did I really expect it to be. Today I find myself challenged to enjoy each moment that I can and continue walking and trusting in the others that are difficult.
I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine on Saturday about how much children model the example of their parents. She told me that I don't realize how much Autumn is a little "Suzanne". She does imitate many things I say and do. Autumn had a hard time coping with something last week and it made me think of myself and struggling with post partum depression. She wouldn't understand that, nor should she. So, I need to model for her how to cope in healthy ways with disappointment and struggles.
I am faced with the question, "What do I want my children to learn from me?" on an emotional level rather than an intellectual level. I am praying that the Lord will guide me and that my children will grow strong in their faith and that they will be able to acknowledge and cope with their disappointments, sadness, anger, and struggles.
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Yesterday, as she was getting ready for bed, Abby stood in front of the mirror and commented on how fat she was getting. Just like Mommy and Daddy do every day. JB and I had a very sobering conversation about what we should say and how we should act in front of her. Mimicing behavior is one thing, but I never want her to internalize my "issues". As if parenting isn't hard enough! Keep praying...He will guide you and your children. But know you are not alone.
This is a sobering post that rings true for me. I was recently challenged by a book to use prayer as an outlet for honesty with my kids: to include my own fears, concerns, and even struggles (within reason) with my kids when we pray outloud together. Kids then learn that "struggling" etc is OK, and that we go to the Lord for courage, etc. I have been impressed by how sincerely Sophia latches onto my prayer requests.
Autumn's prayers often surprise me too with what is on her mind!
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