The past few weeks have been strange ones for me. We own two homes. We're closing on one next week and have listed the one we live in. We're the kind of folks that continually work on our homes. I have had this list with our new home--my goal for the past twelve months has been to write down one thing a month. When we moved in here two years ago, we thought we would stay put for a very long time. We also bought a house which had a million and one things to do on it that the inspector completely missed. After we bought it, my stomach stayed in knots for probably six months or more. I grieved. I struggled. I worked hard to fix everything I could and still manage to homeschool, love my family well, and take care of the day to day needs of my home. My husband worked hard, too. He did the big projects that I couldn't do. We fixed it together.
Several of my friends have asked me how I'm doing as I ponder moving. How do I feel about starting over? Honestly, I'm okay. I know that the peace I have is coming from the Lord and the certainty that I feel because of how He has confirmed and reassured me of this move over and over. He prepared my heart and has planted some simple lessons in my heart.
1) Don't judge. Fight it. I may come in with a preconceived idea because of a website or a comment someone said. But, I need to give people and places a chance.
2) Not everyone is going to like me. I know this sounds silly, but I'm a people pleaser and I want to be liked! Two weeks ago, I saw someone who the Lord gave me a deep affection for but who never cared for me to reach out to me. I saw her walking across a street and I followed her for a moment. I asked her how she was and I could tell--I needed to let go of that affection. I can pray when the Lord prompts, but it isn't a relationship I should pursue. I need to shake the dust off my feet and walk on, so to speak. On the other hand, a dear sweet sister in the Lord from my church touched my heart on Sunday morning when she told me how much she would miss me and how the Lord had used me to remind her how loved she is. I will always treasure that conversation with her. God gives me an affection for people and I need to be obedient to pursue. But, I also need to let that pursuit go when it is time and not have my feelings hurt. Not everyone is going to like me or want me to care about them.
3) I need to focus on my children and homeschooling. I may be blogging and reviewing less in the future. I need to commit to less. I have taken on a lot of little commitments that add up. I'm trying to wrap things up and decrease my projects and responsibilities. I'm a Martha and I need to seek to be more of a Mary.
4) I need to trust God and His providence. I need to wait, walk forward, and be patient. I need to be active, but not push doors that are supposed to stay shut.
I find myself thankful in this time. The past few weeks haven't been easy, but I'm standing and I'm fighting the stress so that I won't make myself sick this time like I did two years ago when we bought this house. I'd appreciate your prayers...