A few weeks ago, I was listening to a mom telling me that she was in a place where she was really enjoying homeschooling and feeling good about being a mom. She was in one of those places I've been before--savoring a moment of peace and contentment that you're doing what God wants you to and that things are working! I remember the first time I had that feeling. I think it was after the end of my oldest daughter's second grade year. The feeling lasted for a month or so.
Since then, I've had times when I've felt that peace about parenting and school. Sometimes that peace lasted minutes, sometimes hours, days, weeks, or months. But, I have learned that it comes and goes. Having it is a blessing--a time of rest. When it is absent though, I have learned that it doesn't mean things are wrong, instead, it usually means one of two things for me... 1. It's time to step back and evaluate. What's working, what's not. and 2. It's also time to just put one foot in front of the other.
I talked with a young woman on Saturday in a store who told me that she felt like she is just working her life away. She's going to college and working two part-time jobs. I nodded my head and understood. I had three part-time jobs while I went to grad school. So, I agreed with her that it was tough but that she would get through it. I asked her what she wanted to do and it turns out that she really wants to be a missionary. But, she doesn't want to go on a short term missions trip. She really just longs to be out there. So, I encouraged her to look for a week long camp of sorts--maybe through YWAM or Navigators--to help her get reenergized and remember where she's heading and why she's doing what she's doing.
I feel like that's what we need as moms too. I do. A lot of moms I've known over the years who homeschool go to conferences and that really encourages them and reenergizes them. That never worked for my family and our schedule. But, what I did have were conversations. I found that finding a friend I could talk to about homeschooling, or parenting, or life, was often just what I need.
But, what do we do when we feel like there isn't anyone we can talk to? Sometimes it's because there isn't any quiet space in our lives. Sometimes it's because our family has constant needs. Sometimes it's because we feel empty and it's hard to get back up or we feel hurt and it's hard to go out on a limb again and ask for help. And Satan would love that! But, I don't believe that's what God wants. When I read the Word, I hear that "He will never leave me nor forsake me." I really need to remember that. Sometimes it's really easy to forget it, though.
And sometimes people let us down so when we do reach out, we get rejected when we're already hurting. I remember after I had my second child and my family wasn't plugged into a church yet. We weren't members because we were still searching. I reached out to a church because I was seriously depressed but when the woman I spoke with realized that we weren't committed members yet, she said she couldn't help me and that I needed to go somewhere else (but she didn't have anywhere to suggest when I asked). I was so hurt. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know who to reach out to. But, I should have remembered... God said He would never leave me nor forsake me. I learned what it felt like to be rejected while in a pit. But, I also saw God provide in unexpected ways and simply get me through it step by step by putting.. one foot in front of the other. I'm still standing. And I learned to stop and help when someone in a pit reaches out to me. I don't want to be that person who says, "I can't help you."
If I were playing a football game right now, someone would say that I have taken a lot of hard hits this season (aka this past year). It's been really hard to get back up. To find someone willing to listen and talk. But, I think part of that is just in my head because I have to fight the wrong things that someone said to me last year that still linger in my head. When I look at reality, I can see that I've made new friends in each of the places we've lived this year. Friends that have changed my life and who I'm thankful for. I think that Satan really tries to tell us that we're alone and that no one, least of all God, cares. But, that's not the truth. None of us are truly alone. And if you're my friend and know me, well, I always tell my friends that it doesn't matter if it's day or night. Call me or email me (if it's after 10 pm unless it's an emergency :) which in case definitely call!) if you need to talk!
But, that's just my two cents for whatever it's worth...
