I realized yesterday that it's been about a year since I got back on Facebook. It was quite the anniversary...
I chose to comment on a thread in a homeschool group I had joined on Facebook. The person who started the thread asked for insight about how to help her young daughter who didn't want to do her handwriting. I commented that I had been reading a book about handwriting research and that it was interesting to read about the important connection between the automaticity of handwriting and becoming a fluent writer.
Someone else commented and asked for the title of the book--which I replied with. Then, the original person who started the thread commented about how she agreed with the importance of reading and writing and that they are foundational.
Well, it went downhill from there...
I replied with this, "I agree that reading and writing are the foundation of everything. ;) "
I included the wink. The wink just meant to me that I agreed--and I thought that most people would agree--
But, a woman took offense to my simple statement. She attacked me and my "wink". I was surprised, but I shouldn't have been.
This is the way of social media. People make assumptions about other people and think the worst--rather than the best.
The commenter in this case went on about how I simply didn't understand what it was to have a child with learning disabilities and that reading and writing are not essential--that someone could function in the world without being able to write.
The ironic thing about all of it is that God has laid it on my heart to pursue understanding learning disabilities better and specifically struggles with reading and writing. This woman didn't know me, nor did she know this about me.
I responded to her comment that no tone was meant by the wink and that my statement had no particular tone. I reminded her that she didn't know me nor know my heart or experience with kids.
And then I said that her comment is one of the reasons I stayed off social media, and Facebook in particular, for five years.
I've thought about getting back off. I start a lot of conversations with friends asking how they manage and approach the pitfalls of social media because it is a part of our lives for better or for worse.
I've discovered that most people I know have concerns about social media.
What common struggles do we have?
We all see the lives of others and at times think that their lives are easier or better than ours.
We can compare ourselves and feel that we have failed personally or professionally--that we are less that we should be or can be.
We get caught up in the gossipy details about people's lives.
We're privvy to complaints that family members have against others that we'd rather not know about.
We only hear one side of the story and it's easy to get caught up judging the other side--the one we don't know.
But, what is the antidote to these struggles? Is there a way to find our way through it? Is staying off social media the only solution?
I think there are a few ways I've found and I've heard from friends to deal with these things.
1. You don't have to friend everyone. Be wise.
2. You don't have to unfriend people who's posts you don't want to see--you can unfollow them.
3. Keep your privacy settings tight.
4. Set boundaries with yourself about how much you want/don't want to get on social media.
For me, I only have facebook access on my computer. I did put the app on my phone. So, I
don't get pinged when someone posts and I'm not distracted by it when I'm not home. I have
other friends who only get one once a week or who only use it to connect with family
members.
5. Practice thinking the best of people and not the worst.
6. Weigh the emotional costs of engaging in banter on a post. Does the person have ears to hear or would it be a case of throwing pearls before swine that they might turn and trample upon--and then attack you? If you don't want to comment, you can always PM someone if you have a positive thing to say or simply want to ask a different question. I've gone this route multiple times.
But, I haven't figured it all out at all. It still hurts when strangers say unkind things when I choose to share something I think in reply to a question they've asked. I struggle when I know there are two sides of a story and one person is broadcasting their side and people are jumping on board--criticizing the other side. It makes me sad when I find myself comparing myself with others.
It's not easy to figure out what to do.
I chose to comment on a thread in a homeschool group I had joined on Facebook. The person who started the thread asked for insight about how to help her young daughter who didn't want to do her handwriting. I commented that I had been reading a book about handwriting research and that it was interesting to read about the important connection between the automaticity of handwriting and becoming a fluent writer.
Someone else commented and asked for the title of the book--which I replied with. Then, the original person who started the thread commented about how she agreed with the importance of reading and writing and that they are foundational.
Well, it went downhill from there...
I replied with this, "I agree that reading and writing are the foundation of everything. ;) "
I included the wink. The wink just meant to me that I agreed--and I thought that most people would agree--
But, a woman took offense to my simple statement. She attacked me and my "wink". I was surprised, but I shouldn't have been.
This is the way of social media. People make assumptions about other people and think the worst--rather than the best.
The commenter in this case went on about how I simply didn't understand what it was to have a child with learning disabilities and that reading and writing are not essential--that someone could function in the world without being able to write.
The ironic thing about all of it is that God has laid it on my heart to pursue understanding learning disabilities better and specifically struggles with reading and writing. This woman didn't know me, nor did she know this about me.
I responded to her comment that no tone was meant by the wink and that my statement had no particular tone. I reminded her that she didn't know me nor know my heart or experience with kids.
And then I said that her comment is one of the reasons I stayed off social media, and Facebook in particular, for five years.
I've thought about getting back off. I start a lot of conversations with friends asking how they manage and approach the pitfalls of social media because it is a part of our lives for better or for worse.
I've discovered that most people I know have concerns about social media.
What common struggles do we have?
We all see the lives of others and at times think that their lives are easier or better than ours.
We can compare ourselves and feel that we have failed personally or professionally--that we are less that we should be or can be.
We get caught up in the gossipy details about people's lives.
We're privvy to complaints that family members have against others that we'd rather not know about.
We only hear one side of the story and it's easy to get caught up judging the other side--the one we don't know.
But, what is the antidote to these struggles? Is there a way to find our way through it? Is staying off social media the only solution?
I think there are a few ways I've found and I've heard from friends to deal with these things.
1. You don't have to friend everyone. Be wise.
2. You don't have to unfriend people who's posts you don't want to see--you can unfollow them.
3. Keep your privacy settings tight.
4. Set boundaries with yourself about how much you want/don't want to get on social media.
For me, I only have facebook access on my computer. I did put the app on my phone. So, I
don't get pinged when someone posts and I'm not distracted by it when I'm not home. I have
other friends who only get one once a week or who only use it to connect with family
members.
5. Practice thinking the best of people and not the worst.
6. Weigh the emotional costs of engaging in banter on a post. Does the person have ears to hear or would it be a case of throwing pearls before swine that they might turn and trample upon--and then attack you? If you don't want to comment, you can always PM someone if you have a positive thing to say or simply want to ask a different question. I've gone this route multiple times.
But, I haven't figured it all out at all. It still hurts when strangers say unkind things when I choose to share something I think in reply to a question they've asked. I struggle when I know there are two sides of a story and one person is broadcasting their side and people are jumping on board--criticizing the other side. It makes me sad when I find myself comparing myself with others.
It's not easy to figure out what to do.
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