Ah, the teenage years!

My girls have both entered their teenage years.  Yet, they are so different from each other.  In conversations with each of them this past week, I became aware of moments when I frustrated them.  And I was reminded of something that my husband warned me about a while ago.  He advised me to tread carefully with them even when I have strong opinions because I need to protect and preserve my relationships with them so that they might here me when I need them to--and when I want them to.

Last week, my oldest daughter and I went to a college fair.  Those kind of things are fascinating to me and aren't intimidating at all.  My daughter on the other hand, was a bit overwhelmed.  But, I plowed on ahead.  I learned some information that I needed to know to help me select her courses for high school that I hadn't known before--even though I had already done a lot of research already.  The most helpful part of the night for my daughter was a table we stopped at that gave her a stack of cards to sort through to help her discern what types of careers she might be interested in.  We talked later and discussed it.  What she learned.  What I learned.  She and I are in a place where we need to start to switch roles.  She needs to get into the driver's seat.  I'm not a helicopter mom, per se.  I'm just a "do"er.  If something needs to be done, I will do it.  So, I need to consciously switch gears and guide her in the doing rather than "doing" what needs to be done myself. 

We're going to go to another college fair in two weeks.  This time she has time to prepare (we only learned of the other one that morning and had no time to discuss it beforehand).  I asked her to think of what questions she has.  What would she like to know?  This time is going to be a little different...

My other daughter is a very typical teenager and her tone of voice can quickly rub me the wrong way.  It sounds on the edge of being disrespectful and questioning--yet, when I say something, almost every time I realize that she doesn't realize how she sounds and looks.  In the Journey of the Strong Willed Child by Kendra Smiley, the author talks about the importance of not taking a strong willed child's words and actions personal.  What they are doing is about them, not you--the parent.  My daughter's words and responses are indeed about her heart and I need to remember that and be patient.  I need to not take them personal and respond the way her tone makes me feel. 

Oh, to be a teenager!  What a journey...