Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Consequences of Choices

My last post was about my coming to terms with the fact that everything cannot get done.  I've been working on reminding myself of this truth every day.  Yesterday was hard.  

The project I most wanted to get done was to install the blinds in the den.  The girls weren't able to do their school work very easily last week due to procrastination and the fact that the sunlight was right on their desks and often blinded them.  We need to work on the procrastination, but the blinds could be fixed.  So, that was what we spent much of our morning and early afternoon doing.  Once my husband had installed the blinds, I still had to prime and paint the window frame.  I also had to shorten two of the five blinds.  Amidst this, I was also priming and painting a large board that is to be affixed in our hallway to cover up the hole made by the plumber last week.  About five-thirty as I was finishing up painting up the window sills, the former owner of the house showed up to see it.  That's a blog post in and of itself.  After her short visit, I finished up the window and got dinner on the table for the kids.  I got a call from my husband saying that he wasn't going to be home until later because he needed to hang some things for his mom at her house but if I wanted to go on ahead to the event our friends were having at their home, then I could go with the kids.  

I was faced with a choice.  Do I go?  Do I stay?  I had planned to go an hour and a half before that.  I could still go.  But, I was exhausted.  I'd been juggling everything all day--kids, husband, tasks, painting, food...  I had a choice.  I realized I had made the choice an hour and a half before when I had pressed on trying to finish the project in the den.  It was hard.  The kids were disappointed and so was I.  I was especially disappointed when I realized everyone had gone and I'd stayed home.  We all missed getting to see our friends.

It was hard.  As we were sitting down to eat, my mom pointed out that she was thankful that I hadn't gone.  If I had, she would have had to deal with the unexpected visitor on her own--and that would have been hard.  She's a bit unpredictable.  I am glad I was home for that reason.  

Choosing what we need to do over what we want to do is often hard.  It's a moment by moment choice.  I explained this to my daughter amidst her disappointment last night.  I told her about how I had chosen getting her and her sister and brother ready to play in the snow over taking care of my rolls that were in the oven.  Consequently, I forgot about them amidst everything else and had to throw them away.  But, I considered her more important and was trying juggle my priorities.  Sometimes that means that wants and experiences come first and sometimes they don't.  I wanted her to know that I tried not to disappoint her--but that she might not always realize the things I do for her and how I strive to love my kids well.  

I still wish we'd gone last night.  I'm bummed we didn't.  But, I'm trying to come to terms with the reality that I can't do everything--even though I wish I could!  

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