The Consequences of Choices

My last post was about my coming to terms with the fact that everything cannot get done.  I've been working on reminding myself of this truth every day.  Yesterday was hard.  


The project I most wanted to get done was to install the blinds in the den.  The girls weren't able to do their school work very easily last week due to procrastination and the fact that the sunlight was right on their desks and often blinded them.  We need to work on the procrastination, but the blinds could be fixed.  So, that was what we spent much of our morning and early afternoon doing.  Once my husband had installed the blinds, I still had to prime and paint the window frame.  I also had to shorten two of the five blinds.  Amidst this, I was also priming and painting a large board that is to be affixed in our hallway to cover up the hole made by the plumber last week.  About five-thirty as I was finishing up painting up the window sills, the former owner of the house showed up to see it.  That's a blog post in and of itself.  After her short visit, I finished up the window and got dinner on the table for the kids.  I got a call from my husband saying that he wasn't going to be home until later because he needed to hang some things for his mom at her house but if I wanted to go on ahead to the event our friends were having at their home, then I could go with the kids.  


I was faced with a choice.  Do I go?  Do I stay?  I had planned to go an hour and a half before that.  I could still go.  But, I was exhausted.  I'd been juggling everything all day--kids, husband, tasks, painting, food...  I had a choice.  I realized I had made the choice an hour and a half before when I had pressed on trying to finish the project in the den.  It was hard.  The kids were disappointed and so was I.  I was especially disappointed when I realized everyone had gone and I'd stayed home.  We all missed getting to see our friends.


It was hard.  As we were sitting down to eat, my mom pointed out that she was thankful that I hadn't gone.  If I had, she would have had to deal with the unexpected visitor on her own--and that would have been hard.  She's a bit unpredictable.  I am glad I was home for that reason.  


Choosing what we need to do over what we want to do is often hard.  It's a moment by moment choice.  I explained this to my daughter amidst her disappointment last night.  I told her about how I had chosen getting her and her sister and brother ready to play in the snow over taking care of my rolls that were in the oven.  Consequently, I forgot about them amidst everything else and had to throw them away.  But, I considered her more important and was trying juggle my priorities.  Sometimes that means that wants and experiences come first and sometimes they don't.  I wanted her to know that I tried not to disappoint her--but that she might not always realize the things I do for her and how I strive to love my kids well.  


I still wish we'd gone last night.  I'm bummed we didn't.  But, I'm trying to come to terms with the reality that I can't do everything--even though I wish I could!  

Unsettling Movie

Last night while I was up writing, I watched a movie on Netflix called Nothing But The Truth.  It was unsettling.  The plot has many ramifications, but taking the basic plot out of context, the basics are these:  all choices we make have consequences.  We may think we know what those consequences will be, but often we don't.  We may justify that we are doing the "right" thing because it is based on what we want--not taking others into consideration.  


Some people might disagree with me on that interpretation, but I know I'm seeing this movie in light of the circumstances of someone I care about.  


(Please note I do give away some of the plot.)  At the beginning of the movie, a reporter chooses to disclose the identity of someone who's identity needs to remain a secret.  Because of the reporter's decision, the woman loses her job, family, and ultimately her life.  Because of the reporter's decision first to pursue the article and then not to disclose her source, she loses her freedom for several years, custody of her son, and her marriage.  One could say the consequences were because of her choice not to disclose the article, but really they are because of her choice to pursue the matter in the first place.  When you see where she initially gets the information, it will make your stomach cringe.  She knew she was putting people at risk when she chose to pursue the article.  Yet, she chose to pursue it--in the name of journalism.  Sometimes I know there is value in this.  In this story, I did not see that value.  I saw heartache and twisted self righteousness-- a "right" to the truth.  This reminds me of something I've heard people say before "It's my life.  I have a "right" to do this.  It affects no one but me and there's no harm in it."


Sometimes we do things that we don't believe will affect people but they do.  It is inevitable that our choices will have consequences for people indirectly.  This is undeniable.  "Not unto ourselves alone are we born." is the motto of Willamette University.  I find this to be a true statement, regardless of what one believes about God.  We kid ourselves if we think that our actions won't affect others.  


The terrible tragedy is that as with this movie's story the consequences are far more horrific than one can initially foresee.  Morally, there was a problem with the source this woman used.  That is the first clue, I think, that tragic consequences would ensue.  


That is how Satan decieves.  In Genesis, Satan first deceives Eve by simply twisting what God says that it might sound almost the same--but not quite.  And then he turns that twist into a lie.


Genesis 3:1-3 NIV
¹ Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

 ² The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, ³ but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

 ⁴ “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. ⁵ “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

We have to guard our hearts.  Such lies are deceptively appealing.  They look right.  They sound right.  But, they aren't.

I am reading Depression: A Stubborn Darkness by Ed Welch* right now.  Today I read this quote: 

"First, sin might feel natural but we were originally created to live without it.  True humanness-blessed humanness-is sinless humanness.  Of course, on this side of heaven perfection is impossible, but as we battle with sin we get tastes of how we were intended to live." Ed Welch, Depression: A Stubborn Darkness (p. 76)

That quote might sound disconnected, but we are to be wise as serpents--deception comes in many forms and we need to be careful about the decisions we make--they can lead down many paths we would not want to take if we knew what lay at the end of them.  

*(If you're wondering if this book is a good one--yes, it is, but I will say more about it when I finish it.)