A month ago, I wrote this passage and thought I'd share it here. I wrote this reflection after reading a book that really encouraged me. The book was about suffering within a particular context, but I considered how what the author was talking about might apply to me and these were the thoughts I wrote down at the time...
I think that
we go through something similar to grief when we realize that our lives,
families, or marriages differ significantly from what we expected and/or
desired. So, how do we deal with
disappointed expectations? Can we deal
with them the same way that we deal with grief?
First, we’re
confused. Why isn’t life the way I
expected it to be?
Next, we’re
hurt. Either our spouse, family, or God
isn’t loving us the way we hoped to be loved.
Or they aren’t loving each other the way we hoped for.
Then,
anger. It has to be someone’s
fault. So, who’s is it?
Then on to
guilt. It’s all my fault. I am doing everything wrong. Otherwise we’d all get along and life would
be peaceful.
Next,
fatigue sets in when we try to be perfect.
The problem is we can’t be perfect enough—which leads into the next
step.
Fear. Will things ever change? Will I ever feel like I’m good enough? Will I ever feel like I am loveable? Will I ever feel well loved or valued for who
I am? Will things get better?
Finally,
acceptance. This is the way life is, so
I need to stop trying to change it. I
need to accept it and move on.
But, there’s
another side to all of this. What if it
looked like this:
Stage
1: Yuck.
This isn’t what I’d hoped for and dreamed of.
Pray
Stage
2: Anger. We vent to God and a close confidante who’ll point
you back to your family and to God.
Pray
Stage
3: Forgiveness. Seek to understand the depth of God’s
forgiveness of us, that we might then forgive the ones we love when they wrong
us and hurt our feelings—intentionally or unintentionally.
Pray
Stage
4: Love as He has loved us. Realize that we all have strengths and
weaknesses. We may not always be the
easiest people to live with and love. We
are all sinners. So, love.
Overlook faults. Overlook not
picking up. Overlook and show grace.
Pray
Stage
5: Accept God’s Plan A. It may seem sometimes like Plan B, but God’s
in control and everything is really His Plan A. He wants to grow us. Sometimes it’s also not all about us, but
about the people we love and that God has purposefully brought into our
lives.
Pray
Stage
6: So, what now? Live, accept, grow. If there’s a problem, I start with me.
The hard
part is that there’s all sorts of books that will tell you if you do this, then
your life will look like xyz. If you
love your husband or wife just so, then they’ll love you the way you want to be
loved. But, people aren’t robots. We can’t just change people. There’s no guarantees in life.
God just tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.” He
doesn’t promise what it’s going to look like.
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