Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Truth About Having Kids and Being a Mom

Some, like blogger Amy Glass, are proclaiming that being a stay at home mom is not hard and not as worthwhile as climbing the corporate ladder.  Last month, there was a big stink raised by a chef of an upscale restaurant when an infant fussed in his restaurant.  There has been much blogging, ranting, and throwing of spears at others due to these two rantings.  Our local paper quoted the local blogger Scary Mommy as being on the side of the chef--that parents shouldn't take kids to restaurants like that.


Does all of this ranting really matter?  One of the hardest things about being a stay at home mom is the feeling that you have to defend your position--you have to defend that what you're doing is valuable.  You don't get the affirmation that you do in the workplace when you complete a project well.  You don't get the satisfaction of finishing one project and moving on to another.  You don't get the continual social interaction with other adults at home that you do in the workplace.  

What's the best thing to do when a bully tries to bully?  

Walk away.  

My husband defined "terrorism" for my oldest daughter the other night as violence meant to instill fear in order to achieve social and political ends.  Terrorism deals with evoking emotions in people.  Just as bullying does--bullying provokes anger and insecurity.  Hmm...  

What was Amy Glass' purpose?  What does she want?  What is the purpose of her ranting?  Is she really a mean person that just wants to make stay at home moms feel worthless?  I'm not sure.  But, if I even try to hypothesize about any of these questions, I'm not able to come up with any answers that give warm, fuzzy feelings.  What does that say?  

To me it says that she's hurting.  Somehow, there's some bitterness and cynicism that's taken root that's motivating her.  Her ranting is completely and utterly cynical.  Cynicism finds its roots in bitterness.  

Would me responding to her allegations prove anything to her?  No, I don't think so.  But, I can pray.  I've had a bitter heart.  I fight against bitterness.  And it is God who has changed my heart.  

Rather than attacking back, the verse that comes to my mind is this one:

Matthew 5:43-48

English Standard Version (ESV)

Love Your Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers,[a] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must beperfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Ms. Glass and the chef can't do anything or say anything that changes what I do every day for my family.  Their opinions don't change my responsibilities to my family and my desire to love them well.  I want to do my job well.  I seek to do this every day.  I falter and I struggle, but I try.  I do think my job is hard.  I did start climbing the corporate ladder over a decade ago, but I got off.  My job now is harder than my job was then.  I know it.  I had this come up recently when talking to a young couple who don't have kids.  I have 3.  I knew I couldn't explain to them what they had asked of me several years ago and how hard what they were asking was.  I just did it because it needed to be done.  I didn't say "You don't understand and talk down to them."  I could have.  But, that isn't loving.  

Sometimes the best way we can love people is by not lashing back when they are hurt and simply walking away.  This post could be construed as a response back to her.  But, it's not.  This is me just stating that I'm okay.  I learned a very long time ago, that it's hard to know what another person's shoes are really like unless you've actually walked in them.  My heart deeply hurts for Ms. Glass and the experiences that have prompted her to write her recent posts.

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