Strange Obituary

This is a longer note than I can post on Facebook, but it is over the years I have noticed something that I have never quite been able to reconcile with.

When people die and get married, often a very different picture is painted of reality. 

And it troubles me. 

I have known parents who were abusive throughout their lives to their children when they were both children and adults, who have been painted as loving husbands/wives and fathers/mothers who cared deeply for their families when they die.  Yet, the family members told me these people were unkind and selfish, which is to put it mildly.  Their children were deeply wounded by what they had endured from their parents throughout their lives. 

I noticed this morning on the news that there was outrage that the young man who murdered several people in Dayton, Ohio, was painted as a kind and loving young man--yet no mention was made of how he died.  In a way, I understand their consternation and frustration. 

Yet, I experience that same emotion when I watch abusive and selfish people painted as saints when they die. 

When people marry, there is often a similar situation.  People are painted as highly religious who are not.  And the opposite is also true.  Religious people are painted in the opposite way. 

I remember my own wedding and our frustration when our pastor did not recite the traditional vows that we had expected.  Instead, we recited more modern vows that took out several things that we valued.  We had simply assumed that he would recite the traditional vows and he had never indicated before the wedding that he would do otherwise.  Yet, it was our strong faith in the Lord that was the crux of our relationship.

Several years ago, I knew someone who had a wedding which was a full Catholic mass--yet the person didn't believe in God and claimed to be a secular humanist.  The spouse painted themselves to be highly religious yet didn't live out those values, and instead was quite a conniving, ungracious, and unforgiving person!

But, where does that leave me? 

Troubled.  Unsure of how to sort through my frustration at how people are being painted as kind and loving when they weren't or aren't.  My cynicism about human nature and distrust in people is given large amounts of fuel by such things, which I dislike.  I want to believe that people are real and are being honest with me.

So, how do I respond?  How should I respond?

1.  When I have a friend who's parent is emotionally and mentally or physically abusive to them, I encourage them that they do not have to continue in that relationship the way it is.  They can step back and set boundaries.  When the relationship remains the same, the person allows the abuser to continue sinning against them.  I encourage my friend in the truth--that God loves them and that they are valuable.

2.  I pray for couples who misrepresent the state of their hearts at their weddings.  I pray that they would have faith in the Lord.  I pray for God to hold their marriages together and that when they find themselves in great conflict with each other that they might realize that it is only God who is truly able to hold marriages together.  Every marriages is that of two sinners married to each other and we do struggle with one another.  It is inevitable. 

3.  I pray for the people I know who have been hurt by deceptive and manipulative people.  I pray for myself and ask God to heal my heart from what I have endured and how I have been treated.  I strive to give those hurts to Him and remember that He understands.  Truly He does.