Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Still Wired...sort of

It's been an interesting week.  I'm very thankful that I talked to friends about their experiences with prednisone.  At times, I'm just fine.  Other times, I feel like my blood sugar is low and eating something won't help.  Then, there are other times...like last night.  Those are the times my friend Karen warned me about thankfully.  It was after dinner and I could feel my body getting antsy.  I couldn't handle the kids asking for five more things for five more minutes.  I explained to my husband that I needed to go be by myself away from everyone.  I knew I needed to.  I sat at the computer working on various projects for an hour and then the jitteriness began to start ebbing a bit.  My hives had returned, though, from my allergic reaction to amocillin last week.  I took a benadryl and made my way to sleep before my body decided to act up any more on me.  

When I woke this morning, I felt fine.  But, the jitteriness comes unexpectedly.  8 more days to go...

This has been an interesting journey.  Sickness that isn't exactly "sickness" as my husband puts it.  It has felt like sickness.  I feel better today than I have in 2 weeks.  

Our pastor challenged us on Sunday to ask two questions amidst our times of troubles.  
1) What are our goals during this time?
2) What are we expecting of God?
The answers to these questions will tell us where our heart is centered--or where it isn't.  These questions are good ones for me to ask.

My goal for most of this illness has been to survive and get well.  Yesterday, my goal was to not snap at my children in response to my physical struggles.  When I asked question number 2, I realized that I didn't expect anything of God.  I hoped He would help me get through this...that he would help me endure.  I am thankful for his sustenance during these past 2 weeks, but I have realized that my eyes have often been on me the past two weeks and not--on Him.  

Amidst the heat wave we've been going through, this sunflower bloomed in my backyard.  I was struck by it's color--the orangish-brown hue.  It isn't bright yellow as sunflowers usually are.  This is by design, of course.  I chose a package of mixed sunflower seeds this spring to plant.  I have tried to bloom amidst this sickness and not snap at my family or others.  I hope I have been kind and patient most of the time.  I am thankful for the Lord's provision of medicine and learning that I'm allergic to Amoxicillin in a non-life threatening situation.  

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