Putting Books Down

Yesterday, I sat reading from two different books.  Both of which I put down.  Both of which I don't intend to pick up again.

The first book was a mystery by Dorothy Sayers, a Harriet Vane mystery titled Gaudy Night.  I made it through the first chapter and then was so overwhelmed by the cynical attitudes of the characters about each other that it made me want to cry.  I think I have considered cynicism a modern invention of the last thirty years, but this book made me aware that cynicism has a much longer history than I had realized.  This book was originally published in 1935.  Harriet Vane's life mirrored Dorothy Sayers' own life in many respects, according to my husband.

As I read the first chapter, I was struck by the wonderful and varied language Ms. Sayers used in her writing.  I loved that aspect of the writing.  In order to read the book, I had to think and consider the impact of the vocabulary she chose.

Heaviness began to permeate my heart as I read first Harriet Vane's view of herself, but then later her view of others.  She was the epitome of a true cynic.  Self-deprecating insecurity filled her thoughts, while boredom and disdain for what she saw as the worthlessness and ineptitude of others followed on the heels of the critical thoughts of herself.  The cynicism wasn't limited to the main character, though.  Even a character who was liked by Ms. Vane, Ms. Lydgate, who Harriet said was always kind in her words to others showed her true colors as she lambasted one of the other teachers as the most boring of bores (my words) to Ms. Vane.  Thus, Ms. Lydgate was nice to people's faces, but two faced behind their backs.

I set down the book, because I couldn't enjoy it.  Reading about two faced people talking about two faced people is not something I want to do.

The second book I sat down with is one that I've been reading for the past few weeks--a few pages at a time.  My pediatrician had recommended this book to me.  Julie Lythcott-Haims wrote a book titled "How to Raise an Adult".  I had enjoyed the first chapter because it traced the changes in our culture's view of how to parent over the past 30 years.  Since I was a kid during the 1970s and 80s, I wasn't aware of the factors that brought about major changes in how adults parented while I was growing up.  But, yesterday as I read, the message grew very redundant.  The author lives in Palo Alto, with her two teenagers.  She lives in a different world than I do--but it is the world that I grew up in.  I remember it well.  I still remember the disdain from a girl that I volunteered at the hospital during high school with when I explained that my family didn't regularly donate my money to my dad's alma mater.  I remember that world well and I As I read on, I knew that I never wanted to raise my kids in the world that she lives in.

The world Ms. Lythcott lives in is similar to my world in many ways, but also different.  She lives in the most expensive place in the US to live.  It is an upper middle class/upper class area.  I grew up on the "right side of the tracks", but as an adult have always lived "on the wrong side of the tracks" so to speak.  It's interesting that at one point she says "If you are among the vast majority of us who aren't wealthy".  I did look Ms. Lythcott up to make sure that I wasn't saying anything that is way off, but the houses in her neighborhood sell for almost $3m.  Hmmm.  That's not the world I live in.  I don't think she's like the majority of people I know.

This book is written to families with two working parents who have degrees (and likely advanced degrees) who make enough money to hover and enroll their kids in private schools and lessons.  There are some things that trickle down to the middle class like the tendency to do too much for their kids and not let them fall, to not teach kids life skills because there isn't time for anything besides homework, and to foster an entitlement mentality by giving kids everything they want (when financially feasible).

This is a secular book about parenting.  It is all about what you can do.  It's always interesting to read about how people want to instill good values and morals in their children--without God's guiding them.  Sometimes it is very discouraging for me to realize the answers that our culture gives people about the best way to live--without God.

I do agree with Ms. Lythcott-Haims about these things:  helicopter parenting, being involved in every activity, not letting your children fall, not teaching your children life skills, structuring all of their time--these things are not good for children.  These things result in children who can become adults who are thoughtless of others, think they are entitled to a certain living, look down on others with less education, and who inadvertantly communicate the idea that they are blessing their parents with their presence when they choose to be around.

I don't want these things for my children.  I want to raise grateful children who love others well, who think of others, who use the gifts that God has given them, who value the work God has given them to do, and who value the gift of fellowship.  Rather than reading Ms. Lythcott-Haim's book, I'd recommend Growing Grateful Kids by Susie Larson instead to Christians.

So as not to get even more bogged down than I feel this morning, I am putting down these two books.

Cynicism and Marketing

My husband loves to listen to Mars Hill Audio.  It is a sociological and cultural journal that focuses on the challenges Christians face in our culture.  A few years ago, there was an episode in which Dick Keyes was interviewed about a book that he wrote titled, Seeing Through Cynicism.  I hadn't realized the deep struggle that I had begun to face because cynicism had entered my mind and heart.  I saw it in others in my life, but not in my own.  As I read the book, I felt convicted about the state of my own heart and began to see what I needed to tackle and how I needed to fight the creeping vine of cynicism.


You can hear one of the talks here:
http://www.marshillaudio.org/resources/mp3/MHAJ-83-Keyes.mp3
This talk begins talking about how cynicism creeps in through marketing.  Keyes goes on to later address how we should address cynicism.

If you're interested in listening to that episode of the journal, http://www.marshillaudio.org/resources/volume_contents.asp?segmentVolumeID=083
You can purchase it here.

My first blog was started because of this book and my reaction to it.  I never continued on with it, but I have left up my first posts here:  http://recoveringfromcynicism.blogspot.com/

If you get a chance to listen to the talk, I hope it will encourage you as it did me!

Interesting quote

I am reading a fiction book called the Sweet By and By by Sara Evans and Rachel Hauck. It easy for me to feel cynical when Hollywood folks write books, so I haven't looked up who Sara Evans is or anything about her. I just want to read the book. But, last night I came across this quote that I thought was interesting...

The youngest daughter (shes about 19, I think) of a hippie mom (who is 59) says this to her mom:

"For a generation who claimed to be all about peace, you sure started a lot of wars. Not with guns and bullets, but with words and ideology. With your parents, with your kids. Your generation didn't bring anything together. You tore everything apart."

Hmm... I'm sure historians have said things like that before, but it's interesting to think about what happened with that generation. It made me think about our sinful nature and how we naturally want to rebel. The generation who were teens and young adults in the 60s outwardly rebelled against the culture they lived in--against their parents. Later, it was with that generation that some of the problems in our society with parenting began. Parents didn't want to be the authorities in their children's lives anymore, for a lot of reasons, I believe. They didn't want authorities over them so they didn't want their children to have authorities.

I wrote a review of a book a long time ago called "You Can't Make Me, but You Can Persuade Me" by Cynthia Tobias (I don't recommend this book at all by the way). I explained in my review that I believe we are all under God's authority and that even strong willed children need to learn that there are authorities in their lives and that they need to respect them and obey the rules they are given. The author of that book disagreed and believed that children (strong willed children in particular) should always be given choices and that rules are really guidelines. No!!!
When I tell my children not to touch the stove, it's a rule! When I tell my children not to cross the street without me, it's a rule! And when I tell them that they need to do their work, it is what they are expected to do--and they need to obey. I'm not an ogre. But, I see in myself my own rebellious heart towards authority and it has taken me a very long time to learn to submit and respect and follow the rules given to me by the authorities over me. I don't want that for my children. I want them to learn that there are authorities over them and that ultimately God is the greatest authority over them. And I want them to be comfortable with rules. Within boundaries, healthy freedom can be found.

In response to my review of that book, one woman who is a professor explained that she has taught her children to question everyone and everything and not to blindly follow. Her response made me very sad and reminded me of the ideology of the 60s. To me, that is a response of a rebellious heart as well--one could likely train her children to be cynical. Cynicism is by definition a matter of pride that you can see through what people are really doing and saying and see the truth--that you are better, essentially, than the system or the person because you know what's really going on and aren't blindly going along.

Well, my kids are up and I better scoot... This issue is one that is close to my heart because it has caused me so much strife in my heart over the years--the issue of submission to authority and rebelliousness. I wasn't outwardly rebellious, but rather inwardly.