Last school year, I posted HERE about my music study plan since my oldest daughter stopped taking piano lessons. I was excited to find some free notebooking pages to use along with our studies this year as we go through the historical periods of music. Classics for Kids allows you to go through the composers by period to get a sense of what the music during that time was like.
Here is a link to the great and FREE :) notebooking pages that I found: HERE. The site is practicalpages.wordpress.com
I like the composer pages as well as the music appreciation pages. I suspect I will use a combination of the two over the next two years in our music studies! I am going to have my kids listen to the talks on Classics For Kids and take notes. There is also a short printable biography for each composer on that site that you could print instead.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Friday, July 24, 2015
Updated Kids' Reading Lists
My kids read a lot. A lot. I can't read everything they read. It's impossible. I do have a few sources, but aside from those I keep looking and looking... I am constantly searching for good books for them to read. I try to find good series I can trust. But, I've also found some great novels along the way.
I also keep running lists of the chapter books I find for kids of different ages on one of my other blogs here:
Here's a few sources I go to:
1. Honey for a Teen's Heart, great discussion of reading and gives both maturity and reading level for books, as well as world views of authors
2. Heart of Dakota, Sonlight
3. My book review opportunities (which are mostly done now)
4. Books from when I taught middle school--I have to go back and review these though, because I am finding that I no longer subscribe to the idea that it doesn't matter what kids are reading as long as they're reading. Instead, I want good stuff to go in their heads and junk food isn't always beneficial. A lot of books have the potential to plant dangerous ideas that I feel I have to be careful about when they are introduced to my kids.
I also keep running lists of the chapter books I find for kids of different ages on one of my other blogs here:
If you have any suggestions that I can add to my lists, please let me know!
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Free Way to Study Vocab
My daughter is entering 7th grade this year. Wow! Wow... Wow. All sorts of emotions flood my head. She's a tween. Her academics will be changing this year. She'll be taking 3 classes at co-op (though 1 of them will be taught by me). I have most of her curriculum in place, but I needed a plan for her vocabulary notebook. I use a combination of things because I'm a cheapskate.
1) For grades 6-8, she does 30 pages (1 page per day) from the book 101 Vocabulary Words in Context each year. Then, she works in a vocabulary notebook...
2) Vocabulary Notebook
I was talking with my husband the other day about the Economist. We have a student subscription (which is much cheaper than a normal subscription). He asked if the girls could use it this year as part of their curriculum. And the idea clicked! I am going to have Autumn read 1 article per week. She will highlight the words she doesn't know and then complete a vocabulary worksheet. From that list, I will pick several words for her to complete different vocabulary diagrams for through the week. I will also put a tab in her notebook where she can write down words from other readings for other subjects that she doesn't know. (I tried this out and it turned out that she knew 13 of 15 words I pulled out from 2 articles... so we're going to also have her use Wind in the Willows which is heavy in vocabulary this year.)
(You could use another source that you have in your home besides the economist that is full of rich vocabulary.)
Here's a link to my weekly schedule with the notebook:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/weekly-vocabulary-plan.pdf
Yay!
I downloaded a few free sheets from Teachers Pay Teachers. I couldn't figure out how to link to them, so here are the names of them:
1) Words Worth Knowing Sheet
You can find it here:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/words-worth-knowing-worksheet.pdf
The pdf has 2 pages--only print page 1 when you go to print.
2) Vocabulary Squares by the Idea Cubby This is the only page I'm using from Teachers Pay Teachers after all.
3) Vocabulary Notebook Page:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/vocabularynotebook-page.pdf
So, that's my plan! I'm excited that her notebook is now organized and ready to go.
As a side note, last year, she worked through 240 words every 6th grader needs to know (which she really liked). She also completed the 5th grade book because we discovered this curriculum just this past year. My younger kids also work through these workbooks to increase their vocabulary and the prefixes and suffixes books by practice makes perfect ($5 each and reproducible!) I'm all about less expensive, reproducible books. That's why I've had a hard time swallowing the cost and jumping into Wordly Wise, Word Roots books, or Vocabulary from Classical Roots books. All look nice and if I only had 1 student to purchase books for, I would consider going that route. But, I have 3 and it all adds up...
Added Note:
I had this idea next year to add on another chart and way for her to study vocabulary.
I downloaded these charts:
http://teacher.scholastic.com/reading/bestpractices/vocabulary/pdf/prefixes_suffixes.pdf
plus the Greek and Latin Root Charts from here:
http://www.readingrockets.org/article/root-words-roots-and-affixes
If you want a VERY thorough list, you can go HERE.
Another good List.
Here's the worksheet I made to use with the lists: https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/vocab-word-parts-worksheet.pdf
I am going to use this worksheet for the words I want her to break apart and figure out.
1) For grades 6-8, she does 30 pages (1 page per day) from the book 101 Vocabulary Words in Context each year. Then, she works in a vocabulary notebook...
2) Vocabulary Notebook
I was talking with my husband the other day about the Economist. We have a student subscription (which is much cheaper than a normal subscription). He asked if the girls could use it this year as part of their curriculum. And the idea clicked! I am going to have Autumn read 1 article per week. She will highlight the words she doesn't know and then complete a vocabulary worksheet. From that list, I will pick several words for her to complete different vocabulary diagrams for through the week. I will also put a tab in her notebook where she can write down words from other readings for other subjects that she doesn't know. (I tried this out and it turned out that she knew 13 of 15 words I pulled out from 2 articles... so we're going to also have her use Wind in the Willows which is heavy in vocabulary this year.)
(You could use another source that you have in your home besides the economist that is full of rich vocabulary.)
Here's a link to my weekly schedule with the notebook:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/weekly-vocabulary-plan.pdf
Yay!
I downloaded a few free sheets from Teachers Pay Teachers. I couldn't figure out how to link to them, so here are the names of them:
1) Words Worth Knowing Sheet
You can find it here:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/words-worth-knowing-worksheet.pdf
The pdf has 2 pages--only print page 1 when you go to print.
2) Vocabulary Squares by the Idea Cubby This is the only page I'm using from Teachers Pay Teachers after all.
3) Vocabulary Notebook Page:
https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/vocabularynotebook-page.pdf
So, that's my plan! I'm excited that her notebook is now organized and ready to go.
As a side note, last year, she worked through 240 words every 6th grader needs to know (which she really liked). She also completed the 5th grade book because we discovered this curriculum just this past year. My younger kids also work through these workbooks to increase their vocabulary and the prefixes and suffixes books by practice makes perfect ($5 each and reproducible!) I'm all about less expensive, reproducible books. That's why I've had a hard time swallowing the cost and jumping into Wordly Wise, Word Roots books, or Vocabulary from Classical Roots books. All look nice and if I only had 1 student to purchase books for, I would consider going that route. But, I have 3 and it all adds up...
Added Note:
I had this idea next year to add on another chart and way for her to study vocabulary.
I downloaded these charts:
http://teacher.scholastic.com/reading/bestpractices/vocabulary/pdf/prefixes_suffixes.pdf
plus the Greek and Latin Root Charts from here:
http://www.readingrockets.org/article/root-words-roots-and-affixes
If you want a VERY thorough list, you can go HERE.
Another good List.
Here's the worksheet I made to use with the lists: https://lovetopaint.files.wordpress.com/2015/07/vocab-word-parts-worksheet.pdf
I am going to use this worksheet for the words I want her to break apart and figure out.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Essential Math Manipulatives
When Autumn was 2, I found a great set of math manipulatives in a bag at a garage sale for $3. That was when I started my collection. I knew I wanted to homeschool, so I just started keeping an eye out. My youngest is now entering 2nd grade and my math manipulatives have been used a lot over the last 9 years (beginning when my oldest was in PK3).
Here are the manipulatives I've found most helpful (and that I would buy at retail price if I hadn't gotten them at a garage sale)....
1. Unifix Blocks
Here are the manipulatives I've found most helpful (and that I would buy at retail price if I hadn't gotten them at a garage sale)....
1. Unifix Blocks
A set of 100 is very helpful. I store them in a tupperware, rather than stressing about getting them all back in color coded stacks of 10 each time we use them. I had the other type of cube at one point that look like this:
But, I found them harder to link together and I wasn't as pleased with them, so I gave them away.
2. Scale
I found this at a garage sale and had no idea how often I would need it in the future for math and for science.
3. Some type of counters. I have several types, but I've found that everyone has personal preferences. For preschool, I like these:
My favorite math book for PK is Developing Number Concepts by Kathy Richardson and you need counters and unifix cubes for that book. I like these as opposed to beans or other counters from your house because you can support by color as well as number. I have vehicles, bugs, and animals, which let me have my children practice sorting in several different ways.
for K-5, I like these counters:
They are called two-color counters and they come in handy when dealing with addition and subtraction as well as beginning equations.
4. A teaching clock. I wish I had known about this clock when my kids were younger:
A Judy Clock
The hour hand moves with the minute hand. I don't like the Melissa and Doug clock. I have a small four inch clock like this one from Learning Resources and it does the job, but I would have loved to have a big one like the normal size Judy clock.
5. Base Ten Blocks
You could start with just 1 hundred, some tens, and ones, but eventually--you'll want several hundreds and a thousand.
6. Play Money
But, the set on Amazon costs $10. I think you could just use Monopoly money for the dollar bills, and real dimes, quarters, nickels, and pennies--and it would probably cost less. I found a bag of coins at a used book store for $1. Dollar Tree probably also has play money in the toy section.
I've found that my kids need tangible manipulatives in PK-2 and that's when they learn about money.
7. Dice I ordered a set from Singaporemath.com for $3 that had a variety of 6 different dice. But, I can't find it anywhere else and the shipping to buy 1 item would be silly. Instead I found just a pair of dice on CBD.com for 35 cents.
Pair of 6-Sided Dice by Shillermath
you can also just save dice from old games that you're getting rid of.
8. Spinners
This is one of the less common ones, but it is one that I've used with every probability chapter my children have had in their math books.
9. 3-D shapes. This is one that I couldn't find at a garage sale and had to buy for full-price.
I did find a scratch and dent set for $20 (instead of the retail $35), but it still was a very expensive purchase for me. It is good to have some type of 3D geometric shapes, whether it's something like the set above or below...
This is the Learning Resources Power Solids set which is only $11--a much better price! They will be much smaller, though.
I know many families choose to print paper cutouts of the shapes and assemble them. If you have time, that's an option. But, for me, I need to be able to grab my manipulatives and teach right away. I have very little preparation and planning time.
10. Timer Any kitchen timer will do. I bring in the timer I keep in the bathroom when we need it. Some people use a stopwatch. I keep a timer in the bathroom because we don't have a big hot water heater and if my kids let the shower go and go, there won't be any hot water for anyone else!
11. Some type of fraction manipulatives. I have both the fraction bars and fraction circles. I tried to make my own fraction circles and laminate them, but they never worked that well. They were too flimsy and hard to keep track of.
Math manipulatives are an investment. It's easier to spread it out and pick things up as you need them, I think. I looked at a couple of kits, but felt that they had a lot of extra things in them. I use Harcourt HSP math and these are all that I've needed plus some 1" foam squares (set of 25). I think in all over time, I've spent about $100. That's shopping at homeschool used bookstores and garage sales, primarily. I only bought the unifix cubes, fraction bars, and 2 sets of geometric shapes new. The rest I was able to find.
The thing I wish most that I hadn't wasted money on (and didn't include in that $100 total) was flash cards. I accumulated a lot of flash cards and they never worked for me or my kids. I was given a bunch by another teacher when I started out fifteen years ago. Then, I picked them up at garage sales for 50 cents or a dollar here or there. Flash cards take time. If you have the time--and patience, then they can be great. I used xtramath.org instead when my kids were old enough to use it.
I store my manipulatives in $1 plastic shoebox size containers. I put a label on the front to let me know what's in each one. They stack and store very easily.
Monday, July 6, 2015
A Different Historical Fiction Novel
I grew up in a Quaker church. I didn't hear a lot about Jesus, but I did hear a lot about God and "that of God in every man." I didn't understand it at the time, but I just finished reading a Christian fiction book who's main character was a Quaker woman in Cincinnati, Ohio.
The book was titled Blessing by Lyn Cote. The story focuses on Blessing, Brightman. A young
widow of means who is very active in the underground railroad and in helping orphans and widows in Cincinatti, while advocating women's rights and abolition. Blessing is a very strong woman shaped by her past. Enter into the picture her best friend Tippy, her friend's beau--Stoddard, and Stoddard's cousin--Gerard Ramsay. Ramsay is determined that his cousin should stay single, but you can guess what happens in that regard. Ramsay sees something in Blessing and she in him. Blessing sees him as having the potential to be more than he is. Ramsay doesn't see a point at the beginning in becoming more than he is, but he changes.
The story was more interesting and engaging than I expected. It is a surprising story in that way for me. This is the first time I think I've read a fiction book about a Quaker community and so it provoked some questions in me. My knowledge of the Quakers is that they do not elevate the teachings of Christ and the Bible. This is true. For them, the revelations of the Holy Spirit is more important than the Bible. In Ohio, from what I read and researched online, this was the case of the Ohio Quaker Meetings at the time of the story. The book mentioned that some churches had gone to a programmed form of meeting--but doesn't mention that this is a move towards the Bible. It was a group of Evangelical Quakers who began programmed meetings.
But, the problem authors face when setting a story in a historical setting is that all the facts have to agree with how you tell the story. That is not the case from the quick research I did before writing this review. Sojourner Truth could not have spoken in Cincinatti at the time of this book. She went to Akron, Ohio in 1851, not in 1849. The story Ms. Truth is reported having told also isn't what I read online as well. I also struggled with how the Quakers were portrayed. In an unprogrammed Quaker meeting, all men and women are considered preachers. Very little is explained in this book about their meetings, though. Perhaps it was better explained in the first book of this series? I don't know. But, that would make this book not very good as a stand-alone.
But, the thing I would most want any reader to know about the Quakers is that they do not agree with Evangelical Christians about the essentials of salvation and the inerrancy--and importance of the Bible. Yes, the main character of this story is an admirable woman, but her church missed the Gospel.
The book is fine as a stand-alone story, but I think in some ways that the author missed the mark on her research. I enjoyed reading it because it challenged me to step back and understand my own experience in the Quaker church better.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale Publishing.
The book was titled Blessing by Lyn Cote. The story focuses on Blessing, Brightman. A young
widow of means who is very active in the underground railroad and in helping orphans and widows in Cincinatti, while advocating women's rights and abolition. Blessing is a very strong woman shaped by her past. Enter into the picture her best friend Tippy, her friend's beau--Stoddard, and Stoddard's cousin--Gerard Ramsay. Ramsay is determined that his cousin should stay single, but you can guess what happens in that regard. Ramsay sees something in Blessing and she in him. Blessing sees him as having the potential to be more than he is. Ramsay doesn't see a point at the beginning in becoming more than he is, but he changes.
The story was more interesting and engaging than I expected. It is a surprising story in that way for me. This is the first time I think I've read a fiction book about a Quaker community and so it provoked some questions in me. My knowledge of the Quakers is that they do not elevate the teachings of Christ and the Bible. This is true. For them, the revelations of the Holy Spirit is more important than the Bible. In Ohio, from what I read and researched online, this was the case of the Ohio Quaker Meetings at the time of the story. The book mentioned that some churches had gone to a programmed form of meeting--but doesn't mention that this is a move towards the Bible. It was a group of Evangelical Quakers who began programmed meetings.
But, the problem authors face when setting a story in a historical setting is that all the facts have to agree with how you tell the story. That is not the case from the quick research I did before writing this review. Sojourner Truth could not have spoken in Cincinatti at the time of this book. She went to Akron, Ohio in 1851, not in 1849. The story Ms. Truth is reported having told also isn't what I read online as well. I also struggled with how the Quakers were portrayed. In an unprogrammed Quaker meeting, all men and women are considered preachers. Very little is explained in this book about their meetings, though. Perhaps it was better explained in the first book of this series? I don't know. But, that would make this book not very good as a stand-alone.
But, the thing I would most want any reader to know about the Quakers is that they do not agree with Evangelical Christians about the essentials of salvation and the inerrancy--and importance of the Bible. Yes, the main character of this story is an admirable woman, but her church missed the Gospel.
The book is fine as a stand-alone story, but I think in some ways that the author missed the mark on her research. I enjoyed reading it because it challenged me to step back and understand my own experience in the Quaker church better.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale Publishing.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Fun Fiction
A few years ago I started reading Jen Turano's Christian fiction novels and reviewing them. I still remember how much I enjoyed the first one because it made me laugh. Her novels have continued to do that for me. Her latest one is the second in a new series she's written, titled In good Company.
The first book in the series told the story of Harriet Peabody (After a Fashion). This second book
tells the story of one of good friends Millie Longfellow and her adventures being a nanny. Millie has this peculiar habit of liking big words, carrying a dictionary with her, and often using those words incorrectly. It's very funny, really. My eleven year old daughter read the first two pages and told me, "Mommy, I like this one." She's not going to read it, but she did appreciate the humor of it. She hates romance and I wouldn't let her read it because it's not a kids book. But, I did really enjoy it.
Millie is a nanny who loves kids. She's also a nanny living in a culture where kids are to be seen and not heard. So, she regularly runs into conflict with her employers because she wants the kids to have fun. Her employers don't see it that way. In the story, she comes to be employed by the best friend of her friend Harriet's husband, Everett, as a nanny for his 3 wards. Everett is set to marry a shrewish woman well situated in society. The story follows their adventures and misadventures caring for these 3 kids.
This novel is a melodrama, but a very fun one at that. The writing flows, the plot moves, and you can easily imagine the characters in the setting of the book. The cover looks extremely fake, but you just have to overlook that. Usually covers like this are better done, but for some reason I don't like this cover. Since the book is fun, I can definitely overlook the cover! A few books ago, Ms. Turano lost some of the humor. But, it seems like she really recaptured that part of her writing in this book. I'm glad she did.
If you're looking for a light, humorous Christian fiction read I'd check this one out. It will probably make you smile.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book for review from Bethany House Publishers.
The first book in the series told the story of Harriet Peabody (After a Fashion). This second book
Millie is a nanny who loves kids. She's also a nanny living in a culture where kids are to be seen and not heard. So, she regularly runs into conflict with her employers because she wants the kids to have fun. Her employers don't see it that way. In the story, she comes to be employed by the best friend of her friend Harriet's husband, Everett, as a nanny for his 3 wards. Everett is set to marry a shrewish woman well situated in society. The story follows their adventures and misadventures caring for these 3 kids.
This novel is a melodrama, but a very fun one at that. The writing flows, the plot moves, and you can easily imagine the characters in the setting of the book. The cover looks extremely fake, but you just have to overlook that. Usually covers like this are better done, but for some reason I don't like this cover. Since the book is fun, I can definitely overlook the cover! A few books ago, Ms. Turano lost some of the humor. But, it seems like she really recaptured that part of her writing in this book. I'm glad she did.
If you're looking for a light, humorous Christian fiction read I'd check this one out. It will probably make you smile.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book for review from Bethany House Publishers.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Another lesson from a fiction book
I was reading a free fiction book this week that I had downloaded from Amazon. It was titled All for Anna, by Nicole Deese. I haven't found an easy way to find the free kindle books, but if you scroll down to literature, then scroll down to inspirational fiction, then have the books sorted by cost... well, then the free books will come up first. One might say there must be a reason these books are free. I think the reason is that they're usually the first in a series. If the author gets you hooked, well, you'll buy the next one in the series!
In this case, it really did hook me (I enjoyed the author's writing) and I was able to "borrow" the second book from Amazon Prime's lending library. But, back to the book at hand and the lesson I learned...
The book All for Anna focuses on a 24 year old young woman, Tori, who is dealing with PTSD because she wasn't able to save a little girl from an accident. The story keeps moving and I enjoyed reading the romance part of the story as well as how the young woman's family healed. But, there's this one scene in which Tori is meeting her counselor and I had an "aha!" moment. The counselor gives Tori a spiral notebook and explains that it's for her to continue processing. It's a spiral notebook because some things are meant to be torn out and thrown away rather than held onto and remembered. This was a powerful visual to me--simple, but powerful.
I shared it with my husband and his reply was quick and straight to the point. That is what forgiveness is.
Ah.
In this case, it really did hook me (I enjoyed the author's writing) and I was able to "borrow" the second book from Amazon Prime's lending library. But, back to the book at hand and the lesson I learned...
The book All for Anna focuses on a 24 year old young woman, Tori, who is dealing with PTSD because she wasn't able to save a little girl from an accident. The story keeps moving and I enjoyed reading the romance part of the story as well as how the young woman's family healed. But, there's this one scene in which Tori is meeting her counselor and I had an "aha!" moment. The counselor gives Tori a spiral notebook and explains that it's for her to continue processing. It's a spiral notebook because some things are meant to be torn out and thrown away rather than held onto and remembered. This was a powerful visual to me--simple, but powerful.
I shared it with my husband and his reply was quick and straight to the point. That is what forgiveness is.
Ah.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Anger
This is the next post about one of the booklets.
Today I'm going to write about the booklet I read first.
It is titled, Help! My Anger is Out of Control, by Jim Newheiser. It's interesting. I don't always know what books God is going to bring across my path and what paths He's going to take me down. I picked up this booklet this morning and I'm glad I did.
Anger is something I've had to deal with in my life--just like everyone else I know. It is an emotion that is part of being human. But, anger can be very destructive. This booklet made me stop and consider the sources of my anger and what prompts me to get anger. It also made me consider my own sin and its ramifications. I felt the author had some very valuable insights. The first thing I learned was that anger is our response to our own judgment against perceived evil against us in our lives--it comes from judgments that we make. The examples the author gave for his points were easy to understand. one very interesting point is that when people give in to anger, they are at risk of losing control (pg.13). He doesn't mention this, but I believe that Anger gives a false sense of control--it is deceptive in this way. I agree with the author that anger leads to other sins, is dangerous, and is contagious. Another very interesting point is that sinful anger focuses on our own kingdom, rights, and concerns, not on God's kingdom, rights, and concerns. Newheisers's examination of why we get angry was also very helpful to me. It also explained to me how many Christian counselors have come to the conclusion that depression, anger, and other emotional reactions do not have biological roots. And this is the first point of discussion that I want to talk about.
After I had each of my children, I went through post-partum depression. Our marriage counselor had wisely explained to my husband and I before we got married that my response to feeling hurt is anger. When I was dealing with the hormone swings that come from nursing, my depression played out in anger rather than sadness. I had not been a person prone to such anger before having children. I wish now that I had taken an anti-depressant at the time. Yes, I sinned in my depression, but my body was not cooperating with me. An anti-depressant, I believe, would have allowed me to get to the emotional place where I could make a choice to sin or not sin in my anger.
In this book, Newheiser says on page 19 that "all sin, including anger, begins in the heart." Ah. The author goes on to explain the ramifications of this. As I read this, I finally understood how some Christian counselors could see depression simply as sin, --because it must all begin in the heart.
This is the point that I adamantly disagree with and I have struggled over the years to argue against. Not because I didn't know my own argument, but because I didn't know exactly what I was arguing against--the root of the argument on the other side. I have been pondering this for several weeks now. I know people that don't advise anti-depressants and other medication because they believe that Christians who take them are simply sinning and that if they dealt with their sin, then they wouldn't need the medicine. People who have said such things to me over the years have revealed something very important to me when they say this. First, that they themselves have neither experienced it themselves nor have known a strong Christian who dealt with mental illness. I say that because people who are actively seeking God are usually trying to deal with the sin in their lives and Sunday Christians and unbelievers don't necessarily care (they may or may not). Secondly, the case may be that they have been taught that Christians don't need medicine for mental illness, including depression. I know so many Christians who will advocate the medicine sometimes (like in emergency situations), but then at others resist taking medicine at all costs because somehow it is bad. I am surprised at how often I come across Christians who are stand offish about taking medicine, for all medical situations across the board, though one can argue that doctors and medicine are a gift from the Lord.
I read a really great article here that I agree with about mental illness and biblical counseling. This article and discussion is relevant to this author's discussion of anger, because he doesn't acknowledge or agree with a biological source. I do believe that there can be a chemical imbalance that can make people--more prone to anger. I am not excusing the anger, but I want to acknowledge that the propensity to irritation and anger can be exacerbated. In Lorraine Pintus' book Jumping of the Hormone Swing, she gives a wonderful discussion of women's hormones and PMS/Menopause. She doesn't let women off the hook for sinning against others, but she does acknowledge the difficulty of managing ones' emotions when our hormones are affecting us. If you are struggling with this, I highly recommend this book! It's wonderful, biblically sound, and very helpful.
What I realized after a week of reflecting about this booklet is that it is just that--a booklet, not a book. Anger is a big subject, because it's a big emotion. This booklet will probably give you some food for thought. It's not exhaustive. It can't be in so few pages. Sometimes I read a lot into a small amount of words because I'm so analytical. I realize this.
There are a few other points about anger that I believe worthy of mentioning:
1. I think that no one is immune to getting angry. We are human. Even the person who thinks they have completely died to self and can get angry. I've seen it.
2. Anger that is not expressed outwardly is still anger if it is in your heart. The conflict that is at the source needs to be dealt with. Even if one thinks that other's won't know, what is in the heart will come out through a snippy tone of voice or facial expressions.
There was one really big question I was left with after reading this booklet: What I felt after reading this book is that anger is because of perceived evil--but what if that evil is real and not a wrong perception? What if wrong has been done? What if when you speak the truth in love--and try to let someone know that they've hurt you, they lash out at you? Are you simply supposed to take it? What if the other person really intended to hurt you--intended to sin against you? I remember my dad telling me once that if someone hurt him, he was going to hurt them back harder. I think Christians can fall into this trap by using indirect means like excluding people from family events, by speaking passive aggressively--implying comparison between people as a means to manipulate. Christians are human.
As usual, I seem to have more questions than answers, but I do trust that God will help me figure things out when He wants me to--and for that I'm very thankful.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this booklet for review from Shepherd Press.
Today I'm going to write about the booklet I read first.
It is titled, Help! My Anger is Out of Control, by Jim Newheiser. It's interesting. I don't always know what books God is going to bring across my path and what paths He's going to take me down. I picked up this booklet this morning and I'm glad I did.
Anger is something I've had to deal with in my life--just like everyone else I know. It is an emotion that is part of being human. But, anger can be very destructive. This booklet made me stop and consider the sources of my anger and what prompts me to get anger. It also made me consider my own sin and its ramifications. I felt the author had some very valuable insights. The first thing I learned was that anger is our response to our own judgment against perceived evil against us in our lives--it comes from judgments that we make. The examples the author gave for his points were easy to understand. one very interesting point is that when people give in to anger, they are at risk of losing control (pg.13). He doesn't mention this, but I believe that Anger gives a false sense of control--it is deceptive in this way. I agree with the author that anger leads to other sins, is dangerous, and is contagious. Another very interesting point is that sinful anger focuses on our own kingdom, rights, and concerns, not on God's kingdom, rights, and concerns. Newheisers's examination of why we get angry was also very helpful to me. It also explained to me how many Christian counselors have come to the conclusion that depression, anger, and other emotional reactions do not have biological roots. And this is the first point of discussion that I want to talk about.
After I had each of my children, I went through post-partum depression. Our marriage counselor had wisely explained to my husband and I before we got married that my response to feeling hurt is anger. When I was dealing with the hormone swings that come from nursing, my depression played out in anger rather than sadness. I had not been a person prone to such anger before having children. I wish now that I had taken an anti-depressant at the time. Yes, I sinned in my depression, but my body was not cooperating with me. An anti-depressant, I believe, would have allowed me to get to the emotional place where I could make a choice to sin or not sin in my anger.
In this book, Newheiser says on page 19 that "all sin, including anger, begins in the heart." Ah. The author goes on to explain the ramifications of this. As I read this, I finally understood how some Christian counselors could see depression simply as sin, --because it must all begin in the heart.
This is the point that I adamantly disagree with and I have struggled over the years to argue against. Not because I didn't know my own argument, but because I didn't know exactly what I was arguing against--the root of the argument on the other side. I have been pondering this for several weeks now. I know people that don't advise anti-depressants and other medication because they believe that Christians who take them are simply sinning and that if they dealt with their sin, then they wouldn't need the medicine. People who have said such things to me over the years have revealed something very important to me when they say this. First, that they themselves have neither experienced it themselves nor have known a strong Christian who dealt with mental illness. I say that because people who are actively seeking God are usually trying to deal with the sin in their lives and Sunday Christians and unbelievers don't necessarily care (they may or may not). Secondly, the case may be that they have been taught that Christians don't need medicine for mental illness, including depression. I know so many Christians who will advocate the medicine sometimes (like in emergency situations), but then at others resist taking medicine at all costs because somehow it is bad. I am surprised at how often I come across Christians who are stand offish about taking medicine, for all medical situations across the board, though one can argue that doctors and medicine are a gift from the Lord.
I read a really great article here that I agree with about mental illness and biblical counseling. This article and discussion is relevant to this author's discussion of anger, because he doesn't acknowledge or agree with a biological source. I do believe that there can be a chemical imbalance that can make people--more prone to anger. I am not excusing the anger, but I want to acknowledge that the propensity to irritation and anger can be exacerbated. In Lorraine Pintus' book Jumping of the Hormone Swing, she gives a wonderful discussion of women's hormones and PMS/Menopause. She doesn't let women off the hook for sinning against others, but she does acknowledge the difficulty of managing ones' emotions when our hormones are affecting us. If you are struggling with this, I highly recommend this book! It's wonderful, biblically sound, and very helpful.
What I realized after a week of reflecting about this booklet is that it is just that--a booklet, not a book. Anger is a big subject, because it's a big emotion. This booklet will probably give you some food for thought. It's not exhaustive. It can't be in so few pages. Sometimes I read a lot into a small amount of words because I'm so analytical. I realize this.
There are a few other points about anger that I believe worthy of mentioning:
1. I think that no one is immune to getting angry. We are human. Even the person who thinks they have completely died to self and can get angry. I've seen it.
2. Anger that is not expressed outwardly is still anger if it is in your heart. The conflict that is at the source needs to be dealt with. Even if one thinks that other's won't know, what is in the heart will come out through a snippy tone of voice or facial expressions.
There was one really big question I was left with after reading this booklet: What I felt after reading this book is that anger is because of perceived evil--but what if that evil is real and not a wrong perception? What if wrong has been done? What if when you speak the truth in love--and try to let someone know that they've hurt you, they lash out at you? Are you simply supposed to take it? What if the other person really intended to hurt you--intended to sin against you? I remember my dad telling me once that if someone hurt him, he was going to hurt them back harder. I think Christians can fall into this trap by using indirect means like excluding people from family events, by speaking passive aggressively--implying comparison between people as a means to manipulate. Christians are human.
As usual, I seem to have more questions than answers, but I do trust that God will help me figure things out when He wants me to--and for that I'm very thankful.
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this booklet for review from Shepherd Press.
Depression and Abuse
My next few posts are going to tackle seven books from a new series that Shepherd Press is publishing. These are small books that you'd find at a side table at your church. They're great, because you can sit down in less than an hour and read what they have to say. The books I've read so far have given me a lot to think about and process.
The first booklet is about Depression.
Carol Trahan has written a small and easy to read book. It tackles the type of depression that are part of the normal ups and downs of life. This is not a book for anyone who deals with ongoing, prolonged depression. She says from the get go that she is a biblical counselor, not a medical doctor. Even so, I wish she had included a few questions about how to discern which type of depression you are experiencing and how to get ongoing help.
But, as to the material in this book, I liked it. Quite a lot actually. I thought that she made some great points about depression and sadness in the Bible which I hadn't considered before. She also talks about how depression is a choice--and it is for people like me. I can tell when my thoughts are focusing in on sadness and I make the choice to turn away from it or towards it. Ms. Trahan addresses the hope that God gives us in this situation and also that He desires for us to have joy in Him. All of this was great. For anyone who crashes once in a while or is dealing with one particular event that has provoked a lot of sadness, I'd recommend this book.
For folks like the people I love who live with depression, I wouldn't recommend this book. I've had several Christians over the years, who've said to me that the source of mild depression is really just sin and that if the person struggling would confront those issues, they wouldn't need medication. Those words have hurt because of the people I love who I know that live with depression and one of whom committed suicide. One of those close to me once said that the medication allowed him to get to the point of making a choice of going down the road to sadness or not. Before the medication, he felt like there was no choice--it was like being belted into a rollercoaster that you couldn't get off of. One of the most harmful things that Christians, especially Christian parents, can do to someone living with chronic depression is badmouth medicine and tell them that they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Mental Illness comes on for many people between the ages of 16 and 30 years old. If depression runs in your family, be aware--if you see signs of chronic depression, encourage your family members to get help from a counselor and doctor. There's nothing wrong or shameful about either one--don't push your family history under the carpet and pretend that no one in your immediate family will experience it. Books like this that are aimed at the short term depression. They can mislead people who have biochemical imbalances and make them feel that they must be trapped in sin and that how they feel is their fault. This is also the kind of book that makes it harder for people to get counseling and medical attention, because it conveys the idea that something is wrong with them if they need medicine--that they aren't spiritual enough be able to handle it the way that Ms. Trahan talks about. I did share the book with someone I love who lives with depression and he was offended and saddened by it.
In the end, handle this book with care. As with all books, filter in what's helpful to you and filter out what isn't.
The second booklet...
All of my adult life I have searched for resources that address abuse. In high school, a girl sat in front of me in one of my classes who was being abused by her boyfriend. I got her in touch with a counselor who helped her leave the situation. I'll never forget her. Over the years, I have been continually confronted with how to love people who have been abused and I have wanted to have wisdom and biblical counsel to share with them. I have searched and searched.
So, when this booklet came along, I was very excited to read it. Excited, not in a happy sense, but in the sense that I hoped it would be helpful to me. And it was. It defined abuse, used good examples, and gave steps on how to help the victim cope. It put this in the context of the church's responsibilities and role as well--which was very helpful. I would highly recommend this booklet to church leaders. I also appreciated that it doesn't encourage parents to stay in physically and emotionally abusive relationships that affect their children because God uses all things for the good of those who love him. The booklet encourages parents to protect their children. This is personally important to me because a friend's parent once justified the abuse of their children to me with that scripture from Romans.
This booklet also does not take the stance that one woman I knew took years ago, advised by the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. A woman I know believed that she should stay in that abusive relationship because a) so that her husband might be won over to the faith and b) if her husband had been confronted once with his sin, then she should go on being submissive to him. This book does not advise people to stay in abusive relationships so that their spouse or significant other might be won over to Christ. I'd like to point out that God is in control of salvation (predestination) and it is not us who saves but God. It is God's efforts that save, not ours. "We are saved by grace, through faith..."
I do have two concerns worthy of mentioning, though. The first is smaller and it is that a lot of emphasis is given to the victim taking a hard look at themselves and their own sins. Yes, we do need to see our failings and understand how we have fallen into traps, but the responsibility for abuse is not a 50/50 deal when it comes to the responsibility of being abused and being the abuser.
The second concern is a much larger and important one. On one page of the booklet, the authors state that the one who has been abused does not have to forgive unless the abuser repents. They are to be ready to forgive, but do not have to forgive unless the abuser repents. This is huge to me and I don't agree with it at all. I looked up the biblical underpinnings of why someone would say that. It is in the old testament, but not the new. In the new, we are called to forgive just as we have been forgiven (Lord's Prayer). How many times are called to forgive? We are called to forgive 70 times 7. We are called to forgive even if someone doesn't recognize what they've done wrong or ask for forgiveness. This is extremely, extremely hard to do at times. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing. It doesn't even mean that you have to have an ongoing relationship with that person. That is often not a safe thing to do, which I understand personally.
I did correspond with the publisher about this concern and it was clarified that the words used are that relational forgiveness can't be fully granted without repentance. I think the author intended to say that we are to forgive, but that forgiveness is more complete in some way when the abuser repents. Given the different wording is strange, I would just keep in mind that page 38 isn't saying that we shouldn't forgive when someone sins against us.
This is a very helpful book, but please note the two caveats I've mentioned and be aware of them.
Please note that I received complimentary copies of these booklets for review from Shepherd Press.
The first booklet is about Depression. Carol Trahan has written a small and easy to read book. It tackles the type of depression that are part of the normal ups and downs of life. This is not a book for anyone who deals with ongoing, prolonged depression. She says from the get go that she is a biblical counselor, not a medical doctor. Even so, I wish she had included a few questions about how to discern which type of depression you are experiencing and how to get ongoing help.
But, as to the material in this book, I liked it. Quite a lot actually. I thought that she made some great points about depression and sadness in the Bible which I hadn't considered before. She also talks about how depression is a choice--and it is for people like me. I can tell when my thoughts are focusing in on sadness and I make the choice to turn away from it or towards it. Ms. Trahan addresses the hope that God gives us in this situation and also that He desires for us to have joy in Him. All of this was great. For anyone who crashes once in a while or is dealing with one particular event that has provoked a lot of sadness, I'd recommend this book.
For folks like the people I love who live with depression, I wouldn't recommend this book. I've had several Christians over the years, who've said to me that the source of mild depression is really just sin and that if the person struggling would confront those issues, they wouldn't need medication. Those words have hurt because of the people I love who I know that live with depression and one of whom committed suicide. One of those close to me once said that the medication allowed him to get to the point of making a choice of going down the road to sadness or not. Before the medication, he felt like there was no choice--it was like being belted into a rollercoaster that you couldn't get off of. One of the most harmful things that Christians, especially Christian parents, can do to someone living with chronic depression is badmouth medicine and tell them that they just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Mental Illness comes on for many people between the ages of 16 and 30 years old. If depression runs in your family, be aware--if you see signs of chronic depression, encourage your family members to get help from a counselor and doctor. There's nothing wrong or shameful about either one--don't push your family history under the carpet and pretend that no one in your immediate family will experience it. Books like this that are aimed at the short term depression. They can mislead people who have biochemical imbalances and make them feel that they must be trapped in sin and that how they feel is their fault. This is also the kind of book that makes it harder for people to get counseling and medical attention, because it conveys the idea that something is wrong with them if they need medicine--that they aren't spiritual enough be able to handle it the way that Ms. Trahan talks about. I did share the book with someone I love who lives with depression and he was offended and saddened by it.
In the end, handle this book with care. As with all books, filter in what's helpful to you and filter out what isn't.
The second booklet...All of my adult life I have searched for resources that address abuse. In high school, a girl sat in front of me in one of my classes who was being abused by her boyfriend. I got her in touch with a counselor who helped her leave the situation. I'll never forget her. Over the years, I have been continually confronted with how to love people who have been abused and I have wanted to have wisdom and biblical counsel to share with them. I have searched and searched.
So, when this booklet came along, I was very excited to read it. Excited, not in a happy sense, but in the sense that I hoped it would be helpful to me. And it was. It defined abuse, used good examples, and gave steps on how to help the victim cope. It put this in the context of the church's responsibilities and role as well--which was very helpful. I would highly recommend this booklet to church leaders. I also appreciated that it doesn't encourage parents to stay in physically and emotionally abusive relationships that affect their children because God uses all things for the good of those who love him. The booklet encourages parents to protect their children. This is personally important to me because a friend's parent once justified the abuse of their children to me with that scripture from Romans.
This booklet also does not take the stance that one woman I knew took years ago, advised by the book The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. A woman I know believed that she should stay in that abusive relationship because a) so that her husband might be won over to the faith and b) if her husband had been confronted once with his sin, then she should go on being submissive to him. This book does not advise people to stay in abusive relationships so that their spouse or significant other might be won over to Christ. I'd like to point out that God is in control of salvation (predestination) and it is not us who saves but God. It is God's efforts that save, not ours. "We are saved by grace, through faith..."
I do have two concerns worthy of mentioning, though. The first is smaller and it is that a lot of emphasis is given to the victim taking a hard look at themselves and their own sins. Yes, we do need to see our failings and understand how we have fallen into traps, but the responsibility for abuse is not a 50/50 deal when it comes to the responsibility of being abused and being the abuser.
The second concern is a much larger and important one. On one page of the booklet, the authors state that the one who has been abused does not have to forgive unless the abuser repents. They are to be ready to forgive, but do not have to forgive unless the abuser repents. This is huge to me and I don't agree with it at all. I looked up the biblical underpinnings of why someone would say that. It is in the old testament, but not the new. In the new, we are called to forgive just as we have been forgiven (Lord's Prayer). How many times are called to forgive? We are called to forgive 70 times 7. We are called to forgive even if someone doesn't recognize what they've done wrong or ask for forgiveness. This is extremely, extremely hard to do at times. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing. It doesn't even mean that you have to have an ongoing relationship with that person. That is often not a safe thing to do, which I understand personally.
I did correspond with the publisher about this concern and it was clarified that the words used are that relational forgiveness can't be fully granted without repentance. I think the author intended to say that we are to forgive, but that forgiveness is more complete in some way when the abuser repents. Given the different wording is strange, I would just keep in mind that page 38 isn't saying that we shouldn't forgive when someone sins against us.
This is a very helpful book, but please note the two caveats I've mentioned and be aware of them.
Please note that I received complimentary copies of these booklets for review from Shepherd Press.
Free CS Lewis Literature Guides
This morning I was looking around and found some free resource guides on CS Lewis.org's site. You can find them here: http://www.cslewis.org/resources/studyguides/ The study guides are age appropriate based on the age at which students would read those books. For example, the guide for The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is for grades 3-5, but the study guide for Letters to Malcolm is written for high school students.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
I just discovered this free resource on PBS Masterpiece Theater site: Teacher's Guides
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There's a guide for Austen's books and Dickens' books as well as several other high school level books that Masterpiece Theater has done productions of.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Flexibility
I have decided this:
Two days ago, my middle daughter fell on the grass when she tripped. Yesterday, she went to the doctor and within 3 hours had a splint on her hand because of a tiny fracture.
I did not wake up thinking I would have one of my children in a splint at the end of the day.
It was just the way things worked out. I had a choice. Be a Gumby--flexible and set aside my plans for the day. Or I could be a BallPoint Pen and be unwilling to bend, complaining as I had to rearrange my day. I decided my family needs me to be a Gumby.
The Best Way to Be a MOM:
Be a Gumby and not a Ball Point Pen.
Two days ago, my middle daughter fell on the grass when she tripped. Yesterday, she went to the doctor and within 3 hours had a splint on her hand because of a tiny fracture.
I did not wake up thinking I would have one of my children in a splint at the end of the day.
It was just the way things worked out. I had a choice. Be a Gumby--flexible and set aside my plans for the day. Or I could be a BallPoint Pen and be unwilling to bend, complaining as I had to rearrange my day. I decided my family needs me to be a Gumby.
Today I posted a review of a book for middle schoolers on Amazon.
The book is Almost Home by Joan Bauer. (What 5th grade girl wouldn't pick up a book with a cover like that?)
Here's my review...
It's very interesting to me that all of the reviews are positive for this book. And there are a lot of positives about it. Joan Bauer is a good writer and it's a well written book. The plot moves along, the characters are interesting, and it would resonate with a lot of kids. The cover conjures warm feelings and it makes you want to like the book. It tugs at your heart.
When I was teaching middle school English, I would have assigned this book to my class. I know I would have. There is very little character description, so readers will make their own minds up about what the characters look like. I had many students who lived through situations similar to what the girl in this story, Sugar, walks through.
But, as a homeschooling mom, I'm not going to assign this book to my children. There are a couple of reasons. Because I homeschool, I can shelter my kids and let them be kids. I know they have to tackle and understand the hard stuff of the world, but the big question I face is when and how. Books tackle difficult subjects differently. Some address the tough stuff of life. Some can plant ideas in kids heads (depending on who the kids is). Some are persuasive about life issues. Some are objective and simply tell a story--leaving the moral evaluation up to the reader. I did read this entire book. After the first half, I was willing to let my daughter read it. I knew I would need to process through it with her because there is a slew of difficult emotional issues in it--abandonment by a parent, neglect, poverty, homelessness, peer pressure, teasing, and death of a loved one. But, then I read two pages that it took it off the reading list for my kids. It was the discussion of depression and her mom's time in the hospital after she breaks down. She asks the question to herself of whether it could happen to her. For some kids, I think this could provoke discussion and help them identify with the character. For others who read this alone without anyone to talk to about it, it could plant some dangerous and fearful ideas. This book is recommended for grades 5 and up. I know it would devastate and weigh down my fifth grade daughter to read these pages. I don't even think she could get through them. (To help my children understand homelessness, I'm going to assign Paper Things by Jennifer Jacobson)
This book is particularly weighty to me though and there are some other things that bother me. I grew up in LA, where there is a large homeless population. (I looked up Chicago and its homeless population rivals LA and NYC) A year ago, I heard a twentysomething girl glamorize homelessness and I was floored. It's not ideal. I do understand why teens need to understand the truth about the difficulties of life. But, the way this author portrays homelessness and shelters was frustrating to me. Because Sugar is raising herself essentially and has to act like an adult, her perspective isn't always right. She sees her mom and others breaking the rules about alcohol in the shelter and thinks it's okay. It's not... When she talks about the other homeless people she knows, she talks as if they aren't responsible for the situations they're in. ... There was a homeless man in a dinner group I coordinated a few years ago. One day he came to the group and said he'd been fired because he didn't call for 3 days and didn't go to work because--he didn't want to. Many homeless people won't stay in shelters because they don't want to follow anyone's rules. Except, rules are a part life--wherever you go. Schools, workplaces, homes, and even public places all have their own rules. We live in a world where people don't want to take responsibility for their choices (and subsequent consequences). Paper Things addresses this in a way where both the children and adults come to understand their responsibilities and what they did right/wrong. But in this book, the only people who are ever really wrong are Sugar's deadbeat dad and her friend's dad who abandoned his family. Sugar's mom does grow, but Sugar still thinks at the end of the book that she has to act like an adult. If your child reads this book without being able to process it with you, they are going to come up with their own way of understanding how the world works—for better or for worse. There's just so much in this book that needs to be processed.
Another very subtle part of the story is that Sugar lies and is manipulative to get what she wants. But, she justifies it when it's for a good cause—like getting food for her puppy. She is nice to people on the outside—not understanding that as people, our hearts are just as important as our actions. She's nice to people to get what she wants many times. One could say, though, aren't we all? Well, that's not what I'm teaching my kids. We love others because God loves us.
So why would teachers have kids read this book? I've been asking myself this question because it is such a heavy book. As a former public school teacher, I know that the philosophy is that as long as kids are reading, it doesn't matter what they're reading. Teachers look for books that kids want to read. The priority is not on the question of whether or not a book is good for a student to read--whether or not it would be helpful? For kids who live in situations like Sugar's, I think it can help them make sense of their lives and not feel alone in what they're going through. It could give them hope that things will get better. But, the school in my county that I know read this is an upper middle class school with kids that are not in the situation Sugar is in. I tried to do some reading why kids would be drawn to this book and it sounded from a Time article like it's because they want emotionally provocative books--that will draw them in. They want to read about teens overcoming. Sugar does that. She has to be the adult in the book and she is. Do you want your teen to think they have to act like an adult (and essentially be one) or that they know more than you do as the parent?
Before you let your child read this book, I'd encourage you to read it yourself. Your child may be able to handle the emotional weight of this book. You may feel it is appropriate for him/her to read. Many people tell me all the time that a lot of what's in books goes over kids heads. I don't believe that. They take in a lot—and if they can't process it, there's a good chance they may end up misunderstanding a lot of what they read or coming to conclusions that you wish they wouldn't. This is a thought provoking book—but one that shouldn't be read by a student alone. And I definitely wouldn't recommend it for anyone younger than 7th grade.
That's it. That was my review.
A day later, I still feel weighted down by the book. I can't resolve in my head how twisted Sugar's thinking is about the world and how I don't want my kids to see the world the way she does. I read an article on Christianity Today by ND Wilson, who writes a lot of darker fiction for teens. He said that we need to give our kids examples of light and dark--examples of people being heroes and overcoming--and in order to overcome there must be darkness in the stories. But, as I read this book, it felt like there was an absence of morals. It felt like people were trying to fill in that hole themselves by telling themselves "I'm okay, You're okay." This isn't a story of truth and light vs. darkness. It is a story about sadness and the fallenness of man. I am still struggling to put my finger on why this book has upset me, but it has. Hopefully, I'll figure out soon.
The book is Almost Home by Joan Bauer. (What 5th grade girl wouldn't pick up a book with a cover like that?)
Here's my review...
It's very interesting to me that all of the reviews are positive for this book. And there are a lot of positives about it. Joan Bauer is a good writer and it's a well written book. The plot moves along, the characters are interesting, and it would resonate with a lot of kids. The cover conjures warm feelings and it makes you want to like the book. It tugs at your heart.
When I was teaching middle school English, I would have assigned this book to my class. I know I would have. There is very little character description, so readers will make their own minds up about what the characters look like. I had many students who lived through situations similar to what the girl in this story, Sugar, walks through.
But, as a homeschooling mom, I'm not going to assign this book to my children. There are a couple of reasons. Because I homeschool, I can shelter my kids and let them be kids. I know they have to tackle and understand the hard stuff of the world, but the big question I face is when and how. Books tackle difficult subjects differently. Some address the tough stuff of life. Some can plant ideas in kids heads (depending on who the kids is). Some are persuasive about life issues. Some are objective and simply tell a story--leaving the moral evaluation up to the reader. I did read this entire book. After the first half, I was willing to let my daughter read it. I knew I would need to process through it with her because there is a slew of difficult emotional issues in it--abandonment by a parent, neglect, poverty, homelessness, peer pressure, teasing, and death of a loved one. But, then I read two pages that it took it off the reading list for my kids. It was the discussion of depression and her mom's time in the hospital after she breaks down. She asks the question to herself of whether it could happen to her. For some kids, I think this could provoke discussion and help them identify with the character. For others who read this alone without anyone to talk to about it, it could plant some dangerous and fearful ideas. This book is recommended for grades 5 and up. I know it would devastate and weigh down my fifth grade daughter to read these pages. I don't even think she could get through them. (To help my children understand homelessness, I'm going to assign Paper Things by Jennifer Jacobson)
This book is particularly weighty to me though and there are some other things that bother me. I grew up in LA, where there is a large homeless population. (I looked up Chicago and its homeless population rivals LA and NYC) A year ago, I heard a twentysomething girl glamorize homelessness and I was floored. It's not ideal. I do understand why teens need to understand the truth about the difficulties of life. But, the way this author portrays homelessness and shelters was frustrating to me. Because Sugar is raising herself essentially and has to act like an adult, her perspective isn't always right. She sees her mom and others breaking the rules about alcohol in the shelter and thinks it's okay. It's not... When she talks about the other homeless people she knows, she talks as if they aren't responsible for the situations they're in. ... There was a homeless man in a dinner group I coordinated a few years ago. One day he came to the group and said he'd been fired because he didn't call for 3 days and didn't go to work because--he didn't want to. Many homeless people won't stay in shelters because they don't want to follow anyone's rules. Except, rules are a part life--wherever you go. Schools, workplaces, homes, and even public places all have their own rules. We live in a world where people don't want to take responsibility for their choices (and subsequent consequences). Paper Things addresses this in a way where both the children and adults come to understand their responsibilities and what they did right/wrong. But in this book, the only people who are ever really wrong are Sugar's deadbeat dad and her friend's dad who abandoned his family. Sugar's mom does grow, but Sugar still thinks at the end of the book that she has to act like an adult. If your child reads this book without being able to process it with you, they are going to come up with their own way of understanding how the world works—for better or for worse. There's just so much in this book that needs to be processed.
Another very subtle part of the story is that Sugar lies and is manipulative to get what she wants. But, she justifies it when it's for a good cause—like getting food for her puppy. She is nice to people on the outside—not understanding that as people, our hearts are just as important as our actions. She's nice to people to get what she wants many times. One could say, though, aren't we all? Well, that's not what I'm teaching my kids. We love others because God loves us.
So why would teachers have kids read this book? I've been asking myself this question because it is such a heavy book. As a former public school teacher, I know that the philosophy is that as long as kids are reading, it doesn't matter what they're reading. Teachers look for books that kids want to read. The priority is not on the question of whether or not a book is good for a student to read--whether or not it would be helpful? For kids who live in situations like Sugar's, I think it can help them make sense of their lives and not feel alone in what they're going through. It could give them hope that things will get better. But, the school in my county that I know read this is an upper middle class school with kids that are not in the situation Sugar is in. I tried to do some reading why kids would be drawn to this book and it sounded from a Time article like it's because they want emotionally provocative books--that will draw them in. They want to read about teens overcoming. Sugar does that. She has to be the adult in the book and she is. Do you want your teen to think they have to act like an adult (and essentially be one) or that they know more than you do as the parent?
Before you let your child read this book, I'd encourage you to read it yourself. Your child may be able to handle the emotional weight of this book. You may feel it is appropriate for him/her to read. Many people tell me all the time that a lot of what's in books goes over kids heads. I don't believe that. They take in a lot—and if they can't process it, there's a good chance they may end up misunderstanding a lot of what they read or coming to conclusions that you wish they wouldn't. This is a thought provoking book—but one that shouldn't be read by a student alone. And I definitely wouldn't recommend it for anyone younger than 7th grade.
That's it. That was my review.
A day later, I still feel weighted down by the book. I can't resolve in my head how twisted Sugar's thinking is about the world and how I don't want my kids to see the world the way she does. I read an article on Christianity Today by ND Wilson, who writes a lot of darker fiction for teens. He said that we need to give our kids examples of light and dark--examples of people being heroes and overcoming--and in order to overcome there must be darkness in the stories. But, as I read this book, it felt like there was an absence of morals. It felt like people were trying to fill in that hole themselves by telling themselves "I'm okay, You're okay." This isn't a story of truth and light vs. darkness. It is a story about sadness and the fallenness of man. I am still struggling to put my finger on why this book has upset me, but it has. Hopefully, I'll figure out soon.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Couple of different books...
This weekend I felt like reading a book, so I actually read three. The first was the one I liked the best of the three.
I feel bad admitting it though. It was a cheesy, Christian romance book titled Married 'til Monday
by Denise Hunter. The title (and the cover) makes me think of a Harlequin Romance, but for some reason I wanted to read it because of the story line. It was good. Surprisingly good. The story is about a couple who broke up three years previously and now must pretend for a weekend that they are still married. The story was a little slow at times, but I began asking God about part way through the book what He wanted me to reflect on. And the lesson to me was this. One's childhood baggage follows people into marriage and into their adult life. It will come up when you don't expect it. So, know your issues. Know your achille's heal. Know the wounds that God has healed and that He's working on.
It also makes me think a lot about how I'm raising my kids. What will they think about their own childhoods when they grow up? One thing that is always on my mind is preparing them for the future and helping them develop the ability to cope with life in healthy ways. I want to teach them how to talk through conflicts and not run away from them.
So, I know all of that may sound strange to take from a fiction book, but when my mind starts processing, I always end up somewhere.
The second book was one that I didn't like as well. It was titled Among the Fair Magnolias: Four Southern Love Stories. I read this one because Elizabeth Musser wrote one of the short stories in
the book and she's become an author I really enjoy reading. This book is four short stories set at different points during and after the Civil War. The first drove me crazy, because it was about love and that it was all that matter. It was so fluffy that it was hard for me to read. The others were fine and easy to read. I found that because they were novellas, they cut out a lot. I enjoyed To Mend a Dream, but the shortness made it very unbelievable and I wanted more story. I would have enjoyed that story as a full book. Ms. Musser's story felt the same way. Unlike many Christian love stories I've read, this collection didn't bring God into the picture a lot. Rather, I would simply call this a more wholesome romance book, not necessarily Christian historical fiction.
The third book I read was by Erin Healy. It's coming out in September. Hiding Places. This is not a romance, but a realistic fiction book written by a Christian author. There's a difference between
Christian fiction and a realistic fiction written by a Christian author. This book falls into the latter category. Sometimes those books and authors are good to find. It's hard for me to find secular fiction that doesn't cross lines that I don't want to read about. Erin Healy's a great writer. She writes engaging stories that draw you in. Her stories are suspenseful mysteries usually full of twists and turns. This story is full of flawed, very human people. It's messy and at times hard to read. Sad to read. But, it's one of those books like the first one of these three that falls into the category of being what Leland Ryken says books are.
I hearken back time and time again to what Ryken says in his book, Realms of Gold. He says that we read books because they help us make sense of life.
The first book is a reminder of how when mistrust and issues are added into the mix how a marriage can tear a itself apart. I look around me at the world and I listen to the stories of friends and acquaintances and my compassion increases. I am reminded of the importance of fighting for my marriage when my husband and I disagree at times (because we do just like every other married couple I know). The third book reminded me of how messed up families can be, what gangs are like and how they think, how anger and bitterness can drive people, how hiding the truth of who you are harms other people, and how not confronting conflict doesn't make it go away.
All three of these books will be released before summer's end. Hiding Places is coming out on September 8, 2015; Married 'Til Monday is being released next Tuesday on June 9, 2015; and Among the Fair Magnolias is being released on July 14, 2015.
Please note that I received complimentary e-copies of these books for review from Thomas Nelson Publishing.
I feel bad admitting it though. It was a cheesy, Christian romance book titled Married 'til Monday
It also makes me think a lot about how I'm raising my kids. What will they think about their own childhoods when they grow up? One thing that is always on my mind is preparing them for the future and helping them develop the ability to cope with life in healthy ways. I want to teach them how to talk through conflicts and not run away from them.
So, I know all of that may sound strange to take from a fiction book, but when my mind starts processing, I always end up somewhere.
The second book was one that I didn't like as well. It was titled Among the Fair Magnolias: Four Southern Love Stories. I read this one because Elizabeth Musser wrote one of the short stories in
The third book I read was by Erin Healy. It's coming out in September. Hiding Places. This is not a romance, but a realistic fiction book written by a Christian author. There's a difference between
I hearken back time and time again to what Ryken says in his book, Realms of Gold. He says that we read books because they help us make sense of life.
The first book is a reminder of how when mistrust and issues are added into the mix how a marriage can tear a itself apart. I look around me at the world and I listen to the stories of friends and acquaintances and my compassion increases. I am reminded of the importance of fighting for my marriage when my husband and I disagree at times (because we do just like every other married couple I know). The third book reminded me of how messed up families can be, what gangs are like and how they think, how anger and bitterness can drive people, how hiding the truth of who you are harms other people, and how not confronting conflict doesn't make it go away.
All three of these books will be released before summer's end. Hiding Places is coming out on September 8, 2015; Married 'Til Monday is being released next Tuesday on June 9, 2015; and Among the Fair Magnolias is being released on July 14, 2015.
Please note that I received complimentary e-copies of these books for review from Thomas Nelson Publishing.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
More about "The Talk"
Every one of my friends has a story about their parents talking, or rather not really talking, to them about sex. One guy I knew was just handed a book by his parent and told to go read it. Several friends were asked by their parents if they had any questions--to which they answered "no." and that was that. In my case, I don't actually remember talking to my mom about it ever. I learned about it during sex education in seventh grade during a special assembly that all the girls had to go to. Then, I was given a book by our marriage counselor to read before my husband and I got married. But, the world was different twenty and thirty years ago than it is now. Sex is everywhere now. The magazines at the grocery store flash words about sex across their covers every week.
My mom recently told me that I'm good at making sure I talk to my kids about everything. She commented to me that she didn't know how to do that when I was growing up--she didn't know what to say. I'm not always sure what to say either. I often find myself trusting the Lord to put ideas into my head and to prompt me when I need to talk with them. My goal is to help them understand and cope with the world they live in.
My last post was about Jonathon McKee's book aimed at helping parents talk to their kids about sex. In my review, I did say that it is not the book I'd recommend to parents looking for a resource to help them talk to their kids about sex, but I didn't mention the books I would recommend. A while back, I also reviewed a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick about "Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions". I wasn't keen on that book either.
The book series I prefer to both of these is published by Concordia Press, Learning About Sex for the Christian Family. There is a book for each age group. I've read the first three with my children as they've grown. The first book is for children 4-6 yo, the second for 7-9 yo, the third for 10-12 yo, and the last for 13-15. The last is the only one I haven't read yet with my oldest. There is a separate book titled How to Talk Confidently With Your Child About Sex. This book is much more general than Johnathan McKee's book. It will give you many ideas about how to approach different topics and questions. You may find some that will work for you and others that won't. Any talk about sex is personal and individual. Every parent fits it their personality and that of their child(ren).
For girls, there is also the American Girl book, The Care and Keeping of You. For middle school girls, I really love So Long Insecurity for Teens by Beth Moore. This book covers how girls dress and how to relate to boys in a way that I really loved. I wish there was a great Christian book like this one for boys. So, if you ever find one, please comment on this post and let me know!
My mom recently told me that I'm good at making sure I talk to my kids about everything. She commented to me that she didn't know how to do that when I was growing up--she didn't know what to say. I'm not always sure what to say either. I often find myself trusting the Lord to put ideas into my head and to prompt me when I need to talk with them. My goal is to help them understand and cope with the world they live in.
My last post was about Jonathon McKee's book aimed at helping parents talk to their kids about sex. In my review, I did say that it is not the book I'd recommend to parents looking for a resource to help them talk to their kids about sex, but I didn't mention the books I would recommend. A while back, I also reviewed a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick about "Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions". I wasn't keen on that book either.
The book series I prefer to both of these is published by Concordia Press, Learning About Sex for the Christian Family. There is a book for each age group. I've read the first three with my children as they've grown. The first book is for children 4-6 yo, the second for 7-9 yo, the third for 10-12 yo, and the last for 13-15. The last is the only one I haven't read yet with my oldest. There is a separate book titled How to Talk Confidently With Your Child About Sex. This book is much more general than Johnathan McKee's book. It will give you many ideas about how to approach different topics and questions. You may find some that will work for you and others that won't. Any talk about sex is personal and individual. Every parent fits it their personality and that of their child(ren).
For girls, there is also the American Girl book, The Care and Keeping of You. For middle school girls, I really love So Long Insecurity for Teens by Beth Moore. This book covers how girls dress and how to relate to boys in a way that I really loved. I wish there was a great Christian book like this one for boys. So, if you ever find one, please comment on this post and let me know!
The Talk
I've been reading a book over the past few months by Jonathan McKee, titled More Than Just The Talk. It's a book about talking to your kids about Sex. The book has been challenging, encouraging, and even discouraging at times. McKee doesn't pull any punches in his book. But, that's the point. The author wants parents to step out of their comfort zone and talk to their kids about what many consider hard topics, uncomfortable topics.
McKee begins his book giving us an answer to the question of "Why do we need to talk to our kids about sex?" The answer is pretty much because if we don't, they'll figure out the answers on their own and likely come up with a lot of wrong answers. I agree with him. One of the most powerful stories I've heard over the years about sex and kids is when a friend of mine shared with me about her experience teaching her fourth graders sex ed. She found the clause in the district curriculum that allowed her to teach about abstinence. After the talk, two kids came up to her and told her that two kids in one of the fifth grade classes had had sex. Another girl came up to her and told her that she wished her 12 year old cousin had heard the talk because she was pregnant. The stories McKee says are like these... and more. He shared in the book about Game of Thrones, which I've heard of, but have never watched. I had no idea how sexual the content of the show was. But, recently, I was watching a show on netflix, Melissa and Joey, which airs on ABC Family. The show has two high schoolers and their guardians. Pretty much every joke is about sex or how girls or guys look. The difference between the two shows is that Game of Thrones is very visually explicit and what it isn't explicit about, it implies.
McKee has given talks all over the US to parents and teens and he's heard more stories and heard more parents mention the stuff on TV than I've been aware of. What I realized in reading his stories is that we need to talk to our kids. It may make us uncomfortable, but they need to know that they can ask questions of us when they have them. And that is McKee's point.
After the introduction, McKee goes on to talk and give reasons why kids should wait--reasons you can use in your talks. Then, he addresses many questions kids have, masturbation, and pornography. After the introduction, it felt like the focus of his book was on masturbation and pornography. You can tell these subjects are heavy on his heart. I didn't always agree with some of his answers to the questions, but it's a starting point. With any book I read, I find I don't usually agree 100%. The book will make you feel pretty dire about what our kids are being barraged by every day.
So, what do we do? Can we hope that our kids will be in the small percentage that don't end up struggling with these things? Maybe, but either way, our responsibility as parents is prepare them for life--and that includes talking to them about topics that may be uncomfortable. We want to raise our children to love the Lord and understand what it means to glorify Him in our lives. Part of that is teaching them how to guard their hearts and minds from temptation and turn away from it.
While this book has some great information in it, I didn't really think it is a book that will prepare you to talk with your kids. What this book is great for is motivating you to get out of your comfort zone and talk with your kids--because it's really important! It will shock you with the stories and alarm you with fear, frankly. That can be good and bad. Never forget that God is in control. We can lift our children up in prayer and love them well. God doesn't want us to live in fear. We can talk with them and help them learn how to understand the world they live in. We can let them know that they can always talk with us about anything...
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book for review from Bethany House Publishing.
McKee begins his book giving us an answer to the question of "Why do we need to talk to our kids about sex?" The answer is pretty much because if we don't, they'll figure out the answers on their own and likely come up with a lot of wrong answers. I agree with him. One of the most powerful stories I've heard over the years about sex and kids is when a friend of mine shared with me about her experience teaching her fourth graders sex ed. She found the clause in the district curriculum that allowed her to teach about abstinence. After the talk, two kids came up to her and told her that two kids in one of the fifth grade classes had had sex. Another girl came up to her and told her that she wished her 12 year old cousin had heard the talk because she was pregnant. The stories McKee says are like these... and more. He shared in the book about Game of Thrones, which I've heard of, but have never watched. I had no idea how sexual the content of the show was. But, recently, I was watching a show on netflix, Melissa and Joey, which airs on ABC Family. The show has two high schoolers and their guardians. Pretty much every joke is about sex or how girls or guys look. The difference between the two shows is that Game of Thrones is very visually explicit and what it isn't explicit about, it implies.
McKee has given talks all over the US to parents and teens and he's heard more stories and heard more parents mention the stuff on TV than I've been aware of. What I realized in reading his stories is that we need to talk to our kids. It may make us uncomfortable, but they need to know that they can ask questions of us when they have them. And that is McKee's point.
After the introduction, McKee goes on to talk and give reasons why kids should wait--reasons you can use in your talks. Then, he addresses many questions kids have, masturbation, and pornography. After the introduction, it felt like the focus of his book was on masturbation and pornography. You can tell these subjects are heavy on his heart. I didn't always agree with some of his answers to the questions, but it's a starting point. With any book I read, I find I don't usually agree 100%. The book will make you feel pretty dire about what our kids are being barraged by every day.
So, what do we do? Can we hope that our kids will be in the small percentage that don't end up struggling with these things? Maybe, but either way, our responsibility as parents is prepare them for life--and that includes talking to them about topics that may be uncomfortable. We want to raise our children to love the Lord and understand what it means to glorify Him in our lives. Part of that is teaching them how to guard their hearts and minds from temptation and turn away from it.
While this book has some great information in it, I didn't really think it is a book that will prepare you to talk with your kids. What this book is great for is motivating you to get out of your comfort zone and talk with your kids--because it's really important! It will shock you with the stories and alarm you with fear, frankly. That can be good and bad. Never forget that God is in control. We can lift our children up in prayer and love them well. God doesn't want us to live in fear. We can talk with them and help them learn how to understand the world they live in. We can let them know that they can always talk with us about anything...
Please note that I received a complimentary copy of this book for review from Bethany House Publishing.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Should've known better...
Yesterday, I had a conversation that I wish I hadn't. It's funny. When you've been hurt by the words of several people from a group of people, one would think that you wouldn't go back and talk to them again--about the same things. But, that's not the way it often works for me. I realized just now that I'm searching for hope--I'm searching for the needle in the haystack to contradict the other words. Sadly, the pile of words only got bigger yesterday.
Many homeschooling parents have felt animosity from public and private school teachers over the years. I've had more experiences of public school teachers looking down on me when I begin to talk about teaching and homeschooling than positive experiences. I have not felt the same negative feelings from parents of children in public and private schools though. The teachers I've met (unless they are personal friends) often get defensive and go on the attack within a few sentences of conversation. And that's just what happened yesterday. The teacher I spoke with teaches at a public school and has young children of her own.
Out of the blue, she stated that she doesn't have a problem with people--like me--who were classroom teachers homeschooling their kids. But, she has a big problem with parents homeschooling their kids without degrees (in teaching). My response was that about half of my friends who homeschool were teachers and half of them weren't, but that the ones who weren't have learned on the job.
Her next statement was interesting to me. She said that she wouldn't have someone who wasn't an accountant do her taxes.
Hmmm... That was where I stopped. I walked away. From her and the conversation. Inside I was really mad. I felt defensive of my friends who weren't classroom teachers before they started homeschooling. I felt like I'd been given a get out of jail free card because I was a teacher and I didn't want it. The truth is that homeschooling is different than classroom teaching. Very different. It has a different set of challenges and needs. People always think that homeschooling is easier or folks who've been classroom teachers first. Maybe, maybe not. I had to let go of a lot of my expectations of how things should be at home. I had to figure out what were reasonable expectations of my kids at home and in our classroom--for behavior, academics, speed of working, writing... And it took years for me to figure these things out. I had to set aside the idea of grades and learn how to teach for understanding and mastery. I had to reset my classroom ideas about what the best assessment methods for my kids would be.
But, I also chuckled inwardly about the ladies comment (after I got over being mad) when I thought of our accountant and how he tells the story of when I first met with him about our taxes. I filed our taxes for over ten years and we just recently switched to using an accountant. He told me that I'm the lady who knew some things he didn't! Several years later, he'll still harken back to that first meeting and my discussion with him about the ins and outs of our taxes and the research I'd done.
I'm not an accountant. But, I did our taxes. We use an accountant now because it takes pressure off of me and it's that double check and it's comforting.
My mother in law did her taxes for years and never had any issues.
She also homeschooled five of her 6 children and 4 of those 5 all went on to college and earned degrees.
She's not an accountant or a trained teacher. But, she educated her children and did her taxes.
My husband reminded me last night that people love to hate. They love to hate people who have chosen a path that may question that what they are doing is right. People want to be right, not wrong. If I am right to homeschool, then where does that put her?
The thing is that homeschooling or not homeschooling isn't a matter of right and wrong. It shouldn't be seen as a threat. How parents choose to educate their children is not a moral choice-- a matter of right and wrong. It isn't a matter of sin.
Ironically, we met with one of my mom's doctors yesterday who I gave an explanation to of what made me want to homeschool ten years ago. It was the moment when I was listening to a friend who's kids were in public school (and who subsequently withdrew them to homeschool them) and I realized I wouldn't get to teach my kids right and wrong if they went to public school. As a side note, I do have many friends who's kids are in school and I know they are teaching their kids right and wrong. But, for me that moment made me realize that I wanted to choose what my children were taught. I wanted to choose the curriculum. I had taught in the public school classroom. And that's where the seed was planted in my heart to homeschool.
I know I always have an agenda in my head. I want people to see and hear that homeschooling isn't bad for kids. I remember a zoo volunteer I met several years ago who had never had kids of her own. She shared with me that before she worked at the zoo, she had always thought homeschooling was a horrible thing to do. Then, she began to volunteer. Now, she can do nothing but rave about homeschooling as a good thing because she's seen how different the homeschoolers are than she thought they'd be. She thought they asked great questions and were very respectful of the zoo and of her as an adult.
It's hard to stay strong and do what you think when people are hostile to it. My mom said that she has people tell her all the time that it's a bad idea for me to homeschool my kids. She just lets it go, though, and says "Well, it's what we're doing." She's not the one homeschooling, but she supports us in homeschooling our kids and has no concerns about it. She may have at one time, but she's seen my kids thrive and she is glad that I'm homeschooling.
One of the things about life is that everyone is not always going to agree with you or with me. We live in a culture today where we want everyone to tell us that we're okay. We don't anyone to tell us that we're not okay. But, this is a dangerous trap. The truth is that God tells us over and over that He will guide us and that we can trust Him. When we seek Him, we will find Him. The peace that comes from trusting God is what we need--not the false peace, which is really assurance, that we get when people agree with us. Assurance and encouragement is nice, but the hole we're trying to fill can really only be filled by the Lord.
And that's where I come back to. A long, long time ago, I prayed about homeschooling our children. So, did my husband. We felt convicted that it was the decision we should make for our family. And we did. I still have that same conviction for my family. And so we'll press on...
Many homeschooling parents have felt animosity from public and private school teachers over the years. I've had more experiences of public school teachers looking down on me when I begin to talk about teaching and homeschooling than positive experiences. I have not felt the same negative feelings from parents of children in public and private schools though. The teachers I've met (unless they are personal friends) often get defensive and go on the attack within a few sentences of conversation. And that's just what happened yesterday. The teacher I spoke with teaches at a public school and has young children of her own.
Out of the blue, she stated that she doesn't have a problem with people--like me--who were classroom teachers homeschooling their kids. But, she has a big problem with parents homeschooling their kids without degrees (in teaching). My response was that about half of my friends who homeschool were teachers and half of them weren't, but that the ones who weren't have learned on the job.
Her next statement was interesting to me. She said that she wouldn't have someone who wasn't an accountant do her taxes.
Hmmm... That was where I stopped. I walked away. From her and the conversation. Inside I was really mad. I felt defensive of my friends who weren't classroom teachers before they started homeschooling. I felt like I'd been given a get out of jail free card because I was a teacher and I didn't want it. The truth is that homeschooling is different than classroom teaching. Very different. It has a different set of challenges and needs. People always think that homeschooling is easier or folks who've been classroom teachers first. Maybe, maybe not. I had to let go of a lot of my expectations of how things should be at home. I had to figure out what were reasonable expectations of my kids at home and in our classroom--for behavior, academics, speed of working, writing... And it took years for me to figure these things out. I had to set aside the idea of grades and learn how to teach for understanding and mastery. I had to reset my classroom ideas about what the best assessment methods for my kids would be.
But, I also chuckled inwardly about the ladies comment (after I got over being mad) when I thought of our accountant and how he tells the story of when I first met with him about our taxes. I filed our taxes for over ten years and we just recently switched to using an accountant. He told me that I'm the lady who knew some things he didn't! Several years later, he'll still harken back to that first meeting and my discussion with him about the ins and outs of our taxes and the research I'd done.
I'm not an accountant. But, I did our taxes. We use an accountant now because it takes pressure off of me and it's that double check and it's comforting.
My mother in law did her taxes for years and never had any issues.
She also homeschooled five of her 6 children and 4 of those 5 all went on to college and earned degrees.
She's not an accountant or a trained teacher. But, she educated her children and did her taxes.
My husband reminded me last night that people love to hate. They love to hate people who have chosen a path that may question that what they are doing is right. People want to be right, not wrong. If I am right to homeschool, then where does that put her?
The thing is that homeschooling or not homeschooling isn't a matter of right and wrong. It shouldn't be seen as a threat. How parents choose to educate their children is not a moral choice-- a matter of right and wrong. It isn't a matter of sin.
Ironically, we met with one of my mom's doctors yesterday who I gave an explanation to of what made me want to homeschool ten years ago. It was the moment when I was listening to a friend who's kids were in public school (and who subsequently withdrew them to homeschool them) and I realized I wouldn't get to teach my kids right and wrong if they went to public school. As a side note, I do have many friends who's kids are in school and I know they are teaching their kids right and wrong. But, for me that moment made me realize that I wanted to choose what my children were taught. I wanted to choose the curriculum. I had taught in the public school classroom. And that's where the seed was planted in my heart to homeschool.
I know I always have an agenda in my head. I want people to see and hear that homeschooling isn't bad for kids. I remember a zoo volunteer I met several years ago who had never had kids of her own. She shared with me that before she worked at the zoo, she had always thought homeschooling was a horrible thing to do. Then, she began to volunteer. Now, she can do nothing but rave about homeschooling as a good thing because she's seen how different the homeschoolers are than she thought they'd be. She thought they asked great questions and were very respectful of the zoo and of her as an adult.
It's hard to stay strong and do what you think when people are hostile to it. My mom said that she has people tell her all the time that it's a bad idea for me to homeschool my kids. She just lets it go, though, and says "Well, it's what we're doing." She's not the one homeschooling, but she supports us in homeschooling our kids and has no concerns about it. She may have at one time, but she's seen my kids thrive and she is glad that I'm homeschooling.
One of the things about life is that everyone is not always going to agree with you or with me. We live in a culture today where we want everyone to tell us that we're okay. We don't anyone to tell us that we're not okay. But, this is a dangerous trap. The truth is that God tells us over and over that He will guide us and that we can trust Him. When we seek Him, we will find Him. The peace that comes from trusting God is what we need--not the false peace, which is really assurance, that we get when people agree with us. Assurance and encouragement is nice, but the hole we're trying to fill can really only be filled by the Lord.
And that's where I come back to. A long, long time ago, I prayed about homeschooling our children. So, did my husband. We felt convicted that it was the decision we should make for our family. And we did. I still have that same conviction for my family. And so we'll press on...
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
When it Clicks
There are many of blessings of homeschooling. There are tough parts, too, as with any job. But, this post is about one of the best parts. Yesterday, I gave my middle daughter a spelling test. It was a watershed moment for me and for her, I think.
Two years ago about this time, I began to realize that Sami was really struggling with spelling and writing. She read 2 grade levels above where she was at and comprehended at grade level or about one grade level above where she was. But, I could see she was in trouble with her encoding (breaking apart words) skills. I felt bad for having missed it that year and felt guilty, but I trusted that the Lord was showing me what I needed to see when I needed to see it.
I set about that summer completely revamping her spelling program. I tested her on all of the initial consonant blends to see which ones she did and didn't hear correctly when they were said. There were about 10 that she needed to work on. I printed off the worksheets on Cherry Carl's website and she proceeded to work through them the next school year. Additionally, I abandoned the Spelling Power Spelling Lists and implemented my own plan and spelling sheet (see this post). I began with the Dolch Sight Word Lists and the Dolch Noun Lists using this weekly plan. (I got the idea to use these words from the owner of the local homeschool bookshop who used this approach to help her son learn to read. I used these lists for spelling, but she used them to help speed up her son's reading.)
I tested her until she had 5 words to work on each week. I know public schools give the kids 10 words each week, but 5 has seemed much more manageable to Sami and she was getting spelling practice in her Explode the Code Books as well as the phonics worksheets, so I felt it was enough. After she tested out of the Dolch lists, we moved on to the list from Eagles' Wings Guide to spelling. The list that I found closest to the words on these are here on the Reading Rockets Website: http://www.readingrockets.org/article/basic-spelling-vocabulary-list There's also a list of Fry's 1000 words here: http://www.k12reader.com/subject/vocabulary/fry-words/, but I would add the months of the year, days of the week, and colors. A lot of the lists I noticed don't include those. I went by Spelling Power's approach. When I gave a test, I tested until she got 5 wrong and those 5 words became her list for the week. Spelling Power gives the direction to have children only practice the words they don't know how to spell. This makes sense to me. There's also an interesting chapter on sight words here (http://www.pearsonhighered.com/samplechapter/0131713795.pdf) which recommends giving kids 5 spelling words.
It took us a year and a half to get through the 600 words. Then, I wondered what I was going to do next with her. I thought about continuing on with my spelling sheet and just using new lists. But, what lists? Then, I noticed something in her reading and writing. She struggled with words that had multiple syllables. So, I pulled out Dolores Hiskes Reading Pyramids book that I purchased several years ago. I use Phonics Pathways after my kids use How to teach your child to read in 100 Easy Lessons. Anyways, the pyramids give kids practice reading and paying attention to the smaller words in sentences and work on not skipping words (something advanced readers are prone to do). And I began to look around. I found on EPS Books website a word study program called MegaWords that focuses on Multi-Syllabic words. I love EPS books because their curriculums do well for both learners who excel quickly and slowly. She started using the first book (completing one page a day) and she enjoys it... which leads us to yesterday.
It was dictation day for Sami and she had to hear the word and break it into syllables and then put the words back together. As she spelled the first few words, I realized that she could do it and that the words were spelled correctly! She spelled all of the 2 and 3 syllable words correctly except one which I pointed out. She knew what the error was immediately without me telling her and she fixed it! I sat there and cried. I praised God for pointing me in the path of the right curriculum for her and for connecting the dots in her head.
She's come so far. And I got to see it. What a joy!
One of the greatest lessons I've learned from homeschooling came via conversations with a homeschooling mom who wrote the book Heads Up Helping and from the book itself. The lesson was that in order to homeschool well, you must become a student of your student. Learn how they learn. This experience reinforces that lesson for me.
My oldest daughter spells completely differently. She tests through a list in Spelling Power every day and is working on the end of 8th grade lists (in 6th grade). This works for her without frustrating her. I test her so that I can make sure she doesn't have any gaps in her spelling skills.
My son... well, I don't know yet what kind of speller he will be. I don't start formal spelling instruction until 3rd grade, but he has asked to do it in 2nd. I think I will start with the Dolch Sight words as I did with Sami and then go from there, switching to Spelling Power in 3rd grade if it works for him. We'll see!
Two years ago about this time, I began to realize that Sami was really struggling with spelling and writing. She read 2 grade levels above where she was at and comprehended at grade level or about one grade level above where she was. But, I could see she was in trouble with her encoding (breaking apart words) skills. I felt bad for having missed it that year and felt guilty, but I trusted that the Lord was showing me what I needed to see when I needed to see it.
I set about that summer completely revamping her spelling program. I tested her on all of the initial consonant blends to see which ones she did and didn't hear correctly when they were said. There were about 10 that she needed to work on. I printed off the worksheets on Cherry Carl's website and she proceeded to work through them the next school year. Additionally, I abandoned the Spelling Power Spelling Lists and implemented my own plan and spelling sheet (see this post). I began with the Dolch Sight Word Lists and the Dolch Noun Lists using this weekly plan. (I got the idea to use these words from the owner of the local homeschool bookshop who used this approach to help her son learn to read. I used these lists for spelling, but she used them to help speed up her son's reading.)
I tested her until she had 5 words to work on each week. I know public schools give the kids 10 words each week, but 5 has seemed much more manageable to Sami and she was getting spelling practice in her Explode the Code Books as well as the phonics worksheets, so I felt it was enough. After she tested out of the Dolch lists, we moved on to the list from Eagles' Wings Guide to spelling. The list that I found closest to the words on these are here on the Reading Rockets Website: http://www.readingrockets.org/article/basic-spelling-vocabulary-list There's also a list of Fry's 1000 words here: http://www.k12reader.com/subject/vocabulary/fry-words/, but I would add the months of the year, days of the week, and colors. A lot of the lists I noticed don't include those. I went by Spelling Power's approach. When I gave a test, I tested until she got 5 wrong and those 5 words became her list for the week. Spelling Power gives the direction to have children only practice the words they don't know how to spell. This makes sense to me. There's also an interesting chapter on sight words here (http://www.pearsonhighered.com/samplechapter/0131713795.pdf) which recommends giving kids 5 spelling words.
It took us a year and a half to get through the 600 words. Then, I wondered what I was going to do next with her. I thought about continuing on with my spelling sheet and just using new lists. But, what lists? Then, I noticed something in her reading and writing. She struggled with words that had multiple syllables. So, I pulled out Dolores Hiskes Reading Pyramids book that I purchased several years ago. I use Phonics Pathways after my kids use How to teach your child to read in 100 Easy Lessons. Anyways, the pyramids give kids practice reading and paying attention to the smaller words in sentences and work on not skipping words (something advanced readers are prone to do). And I began to look around. I found on EPS Books website a word study program called MegaWords that focuses on Multi-Syllabic words. I love EPS books because their curriculums do well for both learners who excel quickly and slowly. She started using the first book (completing one page a day) and she enjoys it... which leads us to yesterday.
It was dictation day for Sami and she had to hear the word and break it into syllables and then put the words back together. As she spelled the first few words, I realized that she could do it and that the words were spelled correctly! She spelled all of the 2 and 3 syllable words correctly except one which I pointed out. She knew what the error was immediately without me telling her and she fixed it! I sat there and cried. I praised God for pointing me in the path of the right curriculum for her and for connecting the dots in her head.
She's come so far. And I got to see it. What a joy!
One of the greatest lessons I've learned from homeschooling came via conversations with a homeschooling mom who wrote the book Heads Up Helping and from the book itself. The lesson was that in order to homeschool well, you must become a student of your student. Learn how they learn. This experience reinforces that lesson for me.
My oldest daughter spells completely differently. She tests through a list in Spelling Power every day and is working on the end of 8th grade lists (in 6th grade). This works for her without frustrating her. I test her so that I can make sure she doesn't have any gaps in her spelling skills.
My son... well, I don't know yet what kind of speller he will be. I don't start formal spelling instruction until 3rd grade, but he has asked to do it in 2nd. I think I will start with the Dolch Sight words as I did with Sami and then go from there, switching to Spelling Power in 3rd grade if it works for him. We'll see!
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