love to paint

One thing I hate is getting rejected.  I really hate it.  Really, really hate it.  My husband actually says that when I fear rejection or think it's going to happen, I start to act like a porcupine.  I bristle and start walking in the other direction. When people reject me, my inward response is to tell myself to walk away.  Walk away FAST.  In the other direction. But, there's another part of me.  This super, duper strong willed part that won't give up.  It's that part of me that doesn't want people to think things of me that aren't true.  I don't want to be criticized for things I've done right, but that they think I've done wrong!  It's a horrible feeling to realize that sometimes you won't be able to help someone understand that you didn't do anything wrong.  Does that mean they're wrong?  Why does it have to be me to take the criticism that I don't deserve? That strong will also makes me persist even when I know peop...

I posted this on facebook tonight: I think nonverbal rejection is worse than verbal rejection. At least you can say something and explain yourself in response when it's verbal. One of the hardest things for me is to not take things personally.  Rejection hurts me deeply.  With everything there are both strengths and weaknesses.  I have such a desire to connect with people. I will pursue them over and and over.  I know that this is the way that God made me.  I have learned over the years to try and pick up on the cues when someone does not want my friendship.   I feel like I learned how to be a friend as a teenager and even as an adult, rather than when I was a child like most people. I grew up without friends for the most part.  I was blessed to get to know a group of girls Spring Semester of my freshman year in high school.  I became best friends with my friend Kim, who I am still friends with today.  She has taught me so much abo...

Last night I had a horrible dream, but the crux of it was that I was rejected and at the end I stood up to the person and said no, that's not okay and stood up for myself. Then, this morning a friend emailed a quote in reply to a quote I'd sent her that basically said (in my words)-- Don't hold onto something that you can't have in the first place. It was interesting to put the two together. I think there have been times when I try to hold onto something or hold onto a relationship that isn't desired by the other party--essentially, I was trying to hold onto something that I couldn't have to begin with. When we hear that message that we are unloveable from others, we try to continually fight that lie by proving to ourselves that we won't lose other relationships. I say we, though I really mean me. I don't know if you're in that same boat with me. But, I've done this. And that's what the dream was about last night. A few years before ...