Friendship, Rejection, Fiction, and Life

One thing I hate is getting rejected.  I really hate it.  Really, really hate it.  My husband actually says that when I fear rejection or think it's going to happen, I start to act like a porcupine.  I bristle and start walking in the other direction.

When people reject me, my inward response is to tell myself to walk away.  Walk away FAST.  In the other direction.

But, there's another part of me.  This super, duper strong willed part that won't give up.  It's that part of me that doesn't want people to think things of me that aren't true.  I don't want to be criticized for things I've done right, but that they think I've done wrong!  It's a horrible feeling to realize that sometimes you won't be able to help someone understand that you didn't do anything wrong.  Does that mean they're wrong?  Why does it have to be me to take the criticism that I don't deserve?

That strong will also makes me persist even when I know people don't want to hear what I have to say.  Over the years, I've come to do this less and less, but I have to admit that I still do it sometimes.

My husband says that I have to love people the way they are and not expect people to love me the way I am.  That doesn't always feel very good.

Does that mean that I'm not loveable the way I am?  My first serious boyfriend told me that when he broke up with me.  It helped two years later to learn that he said the exact same thing to three other girls after me.  "I tried to fall in love with you, but I just couldn't..."  Yuk!  What a horrible thing to say to someone.

I'm trying to face this fear and get over it.  At the end of the day, I'm just me.  Imperfect me.  I try to love people well.  But, I do that imperfectly because I'm a sinner like everyone else.

Instead of saying "I tried this great new curry recipe, would you like a copy of the recipe?"  I accidentally say "I should give you this curry recipe that I tried this week.  It was great."  A lot of people wouldn't be bothered by the second statement, but I know I rub some people the wrong way when I say it that way.  Why do I do that?!  I know why, actually.  I just get so excited about sharing something I've tried and learned that I get carried away and don't think to say it the other way.  

We all have lots that we can learn from each other, but we also have pride.  Bearing with one another in love is such a hard thing to do.  It think it's hard for everyone--including me.  John Piper describes it as bearing with one another in our strangeness... not getting bothered by what seems strange to us because it's not the way we think or do things.

But, my husband has been challenging me to think about what friendship is really supposed to be.  As Christians, we aren't called to love some people and not others.  We are called to love all....even when they reject us.

Wasn't Christ rejected?  Yet, He continued to love.  He continued to reach out.  He persisted.  The Word tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Luke 14:27) and also to love our enemies.

The Word also says:
English Standard Version (©2001)
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you."  

So, we try and reach out.  We try again.  We pray.  We try not to feel hurt and remember that God loves us.  We seek to Love God and Love People (the #1 rule in my house).  

Something happened this week in my world.  Something that surprised me.  Miscommunication, lines crossed.  But, all of it doesn't directly involve me.  As I sit here this morning, my heart hurts because I think that what happened might have started with one person not wanting to be rejected.  Watching from the outside always makes me reflect.  In this case, it is making me realize that I have to be careful about how I react to my own fears of rejection.  Do I let them overtake me?  Am I putting on the full armor of God?  Fear is not of God.  Fear is of Satan.  Satan wants us to be afraid.  God, on the other hand, tells us that if rejection does happen that he will take us through it.  (Psalm 23)

The children's song is very wise when it says these words:  

Jesus loves me! This I know,

For the Bible tells me so,

Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died,
Heaven's gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! loves me still,
When I'm very weak and ill;
From His shining throne on high,
Comes to watch me where I lie.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Despite any rejection here during this life that we experience, we are assured that Jesus loves us.  We are loved and loveable.  We will experience rejection, but we cannot let it overtake us.  I cannot let it overtake me.  We need to put on the full armor of God each morning.  I need to put on the full armor of God each morning and love people again and again.

Friendship

Friendship is a curious thing.  There are friendships that whither and some that grow.  There are friendships that survive distance and others that don't.  There are some friends you may talk to once a year and feel as if you just spoke with them yesterday, but there are others that you run into and feel at a loss for words with.  There are some friends you call to rejoice with and cry with.  There are friends you know you can call at any time of day if there's an emergency, but others that you might hesitate to call or lean on.  

When you find friends who you can trust, you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who when you talk to them and haven't spoken in a year and it feels as if you're picking up where you left off, then you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who needs you and you need, you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who listens and doesn't just hear you, then you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who will listen even when they're mind is preoccupied, you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who will check on you when you haven't spoken in a while, you've found a treasure.


When you find a friend who you can be yourself with, what a treasure you've found.

This was a week of spending time with friends for us as we neared the end of our school year.  One particular friend was one who I'd never been to her home before.  It was such a blessing to hear the story of her home and see how it reflected her family.  She told me this wonderful story of how her family searched for a magnetic refrigerator, because a refrigerator without pictures just isn't home.  I don't think I'll ever forget this story.  I was struck by the joy of spending time with this friend who wanted to spend time with me.  Whenever I realize this or have a similar thought, I am often brought to tears by the realization.  I enjoyed her company and was blessed by all that she shared with me--her home and her heart.  


Then, today while shopping, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a year.  What a blessing it was to see her!  She heard my voice and found me!  She has one of those gentle, giving hearts that always cheers me when I get to catch up with her.  There is also something about her that always feels so familiar in such a comforting way.


What I am often struck by is that friendship requires two people that want to be friends.  I would daresay that they even need each other's friendship.  Friendship is a dear gift from the Lord.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)

 ⁹Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. ¹⁰For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! ¹¹Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? ¹²And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.