Friendship, Rejection, Fiction, and Life

One thing I hate is getting rejected.  I really hate it.  Really, really hate it.  My husband actually says that when I fear rejection or think it's going to happen, I start to act like a porcupine.  I bristle and start walking in the other direction.

When people reject me, my inward response is to tell myself to walk away.  Walk away FAST.  In the other direction.

But, there's another part of me.  This super, duper strong willed part that won't give up.  It's that part of me that doesn't want people to think things of me that aren't true.  I don't want to be criticized for things I've done right, but that they think I've done wrong!  It's a horrible feeling to realize that sometimes you won't be able to help someone understand that you didn't do anything wrong.  Does that mean they're wrong?  Why does it have to be me to take the criticism that I don't deserve?

That strong will also makes me persist even when I know people don't want to hear what I have to say.  Over the years, I've come to do this less and less, but I have to admit that I still do it sometimes.

My husband says that I have to love people the way they are and not expect people to love me the way I am.  That doesn't always feel very good.

Does that mean that I'm not loveable the way I am?  My first serious boyfriend told me that when he broke up with me.  It helped two years later to learn that he said the exact same thing to three other girls after me.  "I tried to fall in love with you, but I just couldn't..."  Yuk!  What a horrible thing to say to someone.

I'm trying to face this fear and get over it.  At the end of the day, I'm just me.  Imperfect me.  I try to love people well.  But, I do that imperfectly because I'm a sinner like everyone else.

Instead of saying "I tried this great new curry recipe, would you like a copy of the recipe?"  I accidentally say "I should give you this curry recipe that I tried this week.  It was great."  A lot of people wouldn't be bothered by the second statement, but I know I rub some people the wrong way when I say it that way.  Why do I do that?!  I know why, actually.  I just get so excited about sharing something I've tried and learned that I get carried away and don't think to say it the other way.  

We all have lots that we can learn from each other, but we also have pride.  Bearing with one another in love is such a hard thing to do.  It think it's hard for everyone--including me.  John Piper describes it as bearing with one another in our strangeness... not getting bothered by what seems strange to us because it's not the way we think or do things.

But, my husband has been challenging me to think about what friendship is really supposed to be.  As Christians, we aren't called to love some people and not others.  We are called to love all....even when they reject us.

Wasn't Christ rejected?  Yet, He continued to love.  He continued to reach out.  He persisted.  The Word tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Luke 14:27) and also to love our enemies.

The Word also says:
English Standard Version (©2001)
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you."  

So, we try and reach out.  We try again.  We pray.  We try not to feel hurt and remember that God loves us.  We seek to Love God and Love People (the #1 rule in my house).  

Something happened this week in my world.  Something that surprised me.  Miscommunication, lines crossed.  But, all of it doesn't directly involve me.  As I sit here this morning, my heart hurts because I think that what happened might have started with one person not wanting to be rejected.  Watching from the outside always makes me reflect.  In this case, it is making me realize that I have to be careful about how I react to my own fears of rejection.  Do I let them overtake me?  Am I putting on the full armor of God?  Fear is not of God.  Fear is of Satan.  Satan wants us to be afraid.  God, on the other hand, tells us that if rejection does happen that he will take us through it.  (Psalm 23)

The children's song is very wise when it says these words:  

Jesus loves me! This I know,

For the Bible tells me so,

Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died,
Heaven's gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! loves me still,
When I'm very weak and ill;
From His shining throne on high,
Comes to watch me where I lie.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay,
Close beside me all the way;
He's prepared a home for me,
And some day His face I'll see.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Despite any rejection here during this life that we experience, we are assured that Jesus loves us.  We are loved and loveable.  We will experience rejection, but we cannot let it overtake us.  I cannot let it overtake me.  We need to put on the full armor of God each morning.  I need to put on the full armor of God each morning and love people again and again.