Kindergarten Retention

Should My Child be held back? Is my child ready for first grade?

I typed these two questions in on google and I was disappointed with what I found. the information was so general that it was hard to be very helpful. I know someone who has been told by their child's teacher that they need to think about it. She didn't know what to do. She had no idea her daughter was struggling before February. There's a lot of issues in this.

1) Why would they be held back? Is it for social, emotional, or intellectual (or a combination) reasons?
I read a wonderful article that made me aware that had I not been homeschooling Autumn this year, it would not have been the best thing to put her in school. She has a late birthday and misses the school cutoff by only a bit. But, for her social and emotional, as well as physical development it would have been wiser to wait if I was putting her into school.
An example of an important non-intellectual reason to wait for putting a child in kindergarten: their eyesight doesn't fully develop until they are 5 years old and this can make reading more difficult because a child is more prone to mixing up letters--not meaning to--because of their eyesight if they start school too early.
As parents, we think that if someone says our child isn't ready to move on to first grade or not ready to start kindergarten, then that person is saying our children aren't smart enough. In the case of starting kindergarten early or late, it usually has little to do with intellectual ability. It has so much more to do with fine motor and gross motor skills, as well as social, physical, and emotional development.
Whatever the reason is, the place to begin is talking to the teacher. I think it is one of the hardest things for us as parents to have balanced views of our children--I have seen this now as both a parent and as a teacher. I do strive to see both the strengths and weaknesses of my children--because as a teacher I saw so many things that the parents did not see or denied. It made it very difficult to work with the parent to bring the best out in a student when a parent denied their child's behavior or weaknesses. Because when we, as parents, make excuses for or deny our child's behavior, we enable them to not have to take responsibility for what they are doing and have done and thus we keep them growing up and becoming the people we desire them to be--and more importantly who God wants them to be. Often teachers see a side of children that parents do not see and they also see what the children are learning and struggling with on a daily basis.

2) Unfortunately, my children are about to wake up and I don't have much time to write. But, I wanted to list briefly your options if you are unsure about how your child is doing.
a) Have a parent conference with your child's teacher and keep in touch regularly via email or phone. Email is generally easier, I believe. Don't yell at a teacher and berate them. It isn't productive and it breaks down communication rather than builds it up. The parents were one of the reasons I left teaching. We will destroy our schools if we keep children from taking responsibility for their behavior and their learning.
If your child is struggling with what they are learning:
If your child is behind, ask for extra work they can do at home that would help
them.
Ask for suggestions (activities) about how you can help them at home.
Set up a few times when you can go in and observe the class and watch what is going on. Take notes and talk to the teacher afterwards about your child--don't attack the teacher's teaching, because the teacher will become defensive. And besides, that isn't the point. Your point in being there is to help your child and see how he/she is doing--not to criticize the teacher. You can trust that all teacher's get observed during the year by their principals and they are evaluated on their teaching.

If you do not feel you have received enough help from your child's teacher, then go and talk to the principal or assistant principal and get them involved. All of these things do take time and effort, but your children are worth it. =)

If your child is struggling socially, talk to the teacher and again and go observe. Help your child find a niche--a place to make friends that makes them feel secure--whether it's sports, band, girl scouts, or awanas. They will take those feelings of security with them into school and feel better about themselves and more easily make friends. It is not an inborn skill--how to make friends--it is learned and as parents it is up to us to help them develop that skill and learn how =)

I am afraid I just babbled a bit, but I tried to write some things down in this entry that I did not find when I did my search on the web.