A time to cry...

There are moments when I want to cry because I am falling a part. There are other moments when I want to cry out of wonder and amazement and sheer gratefulness.

I am having one of the latter kind right now. It was hard year for me--this past year. I experienced a lot of rejection and walked through some hard struggles. At the end, I wanted to turn inward and refuse to lean on anyone again. I figured I just needed to pull up my pants and walk strong--on my own. But, there was only a part of me that wanted to do that--the hurt part. The other part, which is thankfully much larger, loves people so deeply that I can't live without them. And I don't think that I'm meant to. God calls us to live in community and to love one another.

Last weekend, the kids and I got a stomach bug and I made myself take two friends up on their offers for help--one got some groceries for me and the other picked up 2 happy meals for the 2 kids that were able to eat. It was such an amazing blessing to me.

This weekend we got 4 or 5 inches of snow on Saturday. This morning, my retired elderly neighbor shoveled my walk--before I could tell him not to =) And tonight, my neighbor across the street came over to help me get the kids into the house because we were arriving home so late from church. She was worried because she didn't think I'd be out that late with the kids unless it was an emergency. She was watching out for me.

And tonight at church, I asked for help. I asked if someone could help me with our garage door that doesn't want to go up or down or make up its mind and I asked if anyone could come and help watch the kids for an hour so I could go for a walk. Several people offered and another told me to make sure I called her so her boys could help if I need any heavy lifting at any time. Their offers were so genuine. And it blessed me more than I can explain.

You see, I've done this before. These times on my own. But, I haven't asked for help. I have always told everyone I'm fine. I know everyone's busy and so often I could tell that people were only offering because they felt they had to--I could see it their eyes and hear it in their voices.

But, this time I have made myself promise that I would ask for help. And I'm trying to follow through. The words that I read in Cynthia Heald's Becoming a Woman of Faith study are ones I think I'm always going to remember--an offer isn't a gift unless it is accepted. Until it is accepted, it will only be an offer.

I feel very loved tonight by the Lord--many people have been His hands and feet in my life today.