love to paint

 The internet is a funny thing.  Even if we don't think anyone will read what we write--and it's one of hundreds of comments, someone might.   I have always been very matter of fact about things.  I can say things without emotion that are shocking really.  It is my way of accepting them, acknowledging them, but not getting lost in them.   Pain has the ability to swallow us up, shape us, or refine us.  I want the pain I've walked through to be used by God to refine me--to help me grow and love others better.   One side effect of being matter of fact and being very honest about things is that it can lead people to believe that I've shared the whole picture when I've only shared a part.  Over the years, I've learned to be discerning.  There are some people that I have treasured as friends who I can really share not only the matter of fact things, but the emotions that I've wrestled with that have accompanied those matter of fact things. ...

 I learned last night that my father died earlier this week.   There are moments in life when you feel like you should feel a certain way.  You should have a reaction, yet you don't.  This is one of those moments for me.   When I got the news, I searched for an obituary, but found none.   Who was my dad?   He was a man with a large presence.  His physical presence was something he used to make himself known.  People either got along with him or they didn't.  And if they didn't, they either walked away or stayed silent.   He was a man who pulled himself up by his bootstraps after flunking out of college his freshman year.  He attended community college for a year, got straight A's, and then transferred back in and went on to graduate with a bachelor's degree.  I think it was in business. He was a man who always had ideas about how to make money, though he was very quick to spend on credit.   He was a man, who after div...