A while back, I read the transcript from an interview on NPR. The interview was part of their "Dear Life Kit" series. The subject was a letter someone wrote asking advice about a situation that had previously happened.
The writer had uninvited a family member to their wedding when they replied late and informed the bride and groom that they were bringing two uninvited people with them. My first thought when I read the word "uninvited" was whether the two people had an antagonistic relationship with the bride and groom. No. That wasn't the case. There was a limit on the number of people they could have attend the wedding, but the writer didn't mention whether everyone else invited had replied and could come, so there might have been room for these two extra people.
Then, I read the advisor's verdict. She declared that the bride had done the right thing but that it was natural for there to be a ripple effect and consequences in the family since they were uninviting one of the groom's siblings.
The advice made me wonder. Had this person been married? Does she have children? No. From what I found online the answer is no. She hasn't walked through this situation. She hasn't been married.
Then, I came across a similar situation later that same week when I listened to a podcast. I don't regularly listen to podcasts. But, I'd love to find a few I enjoyed listening to. I started with one a friend enjoys, but found the conversation to cause me to struggle in a similar way. The podcaster has a side ministry to parents with young children. I wondered if she was married and has children. After doing some research, I learned that she only recently got engaged and she doesn't have children.
Fast forward a few months... I began reading a book that made me feel very unsettled inside. At the same time, I started a book that brought me peace as I read it. Both books are non-fiction, Christian Living books. A friend asked me if the author was Catholic. I'm not disparaging Catholics in mentioning this. The friends point was asking me to consider what the author's theological perspective was. Did it shape the points she made?
So, I went home to research and try and find out what perspective the author of the book that made me upset was coming from. I discovered that she is not Catholic--actually she attends an enormous non-denominational protestant megachurch that preaches the prosperity gospel. She has preached sermons to congregations of men and women, which reflects her ideas about women's roles in the church. I found an article that explains how she interprets scripture--using Eisegesis instead of Exegesis. This is important because she made points and then took passages out of context in the Bible to support them instead of interpreting the Bible through Exegesis and digging into Bible passages in context.
All of these experiences remind me of the importance of knowing about who you're listening to and taking advice from. What theological perspective are they coming from? Do they have experience and have they walked through anything similar? Do they really understand personally or do they only understand in theory?
I often live with physical pain that is invisible to others and it has made me aware that people who haven't lived with any pain or haven't known anyone close to them that has don't understand the choices I sometimes face. So, when I was researching two authors recently, it was significant to me that they had both had cancer. That told me they would both understand living with pain and how often the pain people experience can be invisible to others. Just because you look okay on the outside, doesn't mean you feel okay on the inside.
I can give you many more examples of why I think it's so important to know the background of speakers and authors, but I'll leave you with just one more to consider. This another example is why I take this so personally...
Years ago when I first became a middle school teacher, I had parents ask me for advice about how to parent. I gave suggestions--because I thought I understood. I was a teacher of middle schoolers and I had been a middle schooler once years ago. I thought I knew what to do. But, I didn't understand until I was a parent fifteen years later of a middle schooler that I didn't know what it was like to be a parent until I was one. I had some ideas, but it was different when I was actually a parent. I had more grace and understanding. Yet, I also had different ideas about what was really important than I did when I was a teacher all those years ago.
So, choose wisely and research!
Comments