Today I was hit with a hard realization. My husband is away for a while The first two weeks really went quite easily even with a birthday party for the girls at the end of the first week. Then this week I worked on painting our bathroom upstairs. I'm going to do the second coat on the walls tomorrow and then that will be done. But, this weekend was hard.
Friday morning I awoke at 6:30 am feeling absolutely horrible. I went between the bathroom and the floor for half an hour. I couldn't get any farther. I lay on the floor wondering what I was going to do. I have a 6 month old, a 3 year old, and a 5 year old. None of whom know how to call 911 if I needed them to. Everyone I could think of needed to go to work or had commitments. They need to take care of their own lives and their own families. Thankfully, after a half an hour I was able to make it into the shower and recover. It was as if I had a 30 minute flu instead of the 24 hour flu.
What would I have done if it had lasted? I don't know. I've had many friends offer to help me during this time, but I realized on Autumn's birthday that my girls have really only got me and I've got them. No one could come celebrate her birthday with me. They had their own lives to live and I understand. Their friends were able to come to the girls birthday party later that week and I was so thankful for how all of that turned out.
Anyways, today I decided to try and clean out the gutters on my house. I was able to fanagle the ladder down. It was so heavy! I bonked my back in the process. I tried to be very careful. I was able to do the garage but not the rest of the house. It was just too high and I've never walked on a roof. I've asked two men to come help, but today I realized I'm asking a lot. So, I'm going to call and pay someone to do it.
As much as people have good intentions and really do care about us, it takes a lot to drop everything for someone else. I wonder if people think of me that way or think that I'm too busy to help them. I hope not. This trip has made me look at a lot of things differently and the weight of life seems a lot heavier to me than it did three weeks ago.
I have a friend who I used to be really close to, but she doesn't have time for me anymore. She has other obligations and other friends who are her priorities now. Sometimes it hurts--when I think about it. It wasn't my choice. But, we don't get to choose everything in our lives. I have to be thankful for when I do get to talk to her, but the rest of the time let it go. When I talk to her, I remember how much I like talking to her and it makes me miss her. It still hurts and it's been this way for a long time.
Everyone has their priorities in their lives and they have relationships in their lives which are more important than others. It is a given. I can't choose how important my friendship is to someone else, but I can be thankful when their friendship is as important to me as it is to them. That truly is an amazing gift.
Now I understand why the Bible encourages the church to care for widows and children. I am going to be much more mindful of that as I walk forward. I have a friend here who is the single mom of 3 boys. I am going to pray about how I can help her. She has a very full plate. Well, I hear my kids waking from their naps and the tears beginning so I better go take care of them.
Life will go on and I will press on. =)
And the first thing I know I need to do is teach Autumn how to use the phone and call 911...
No comments:
Post a Comment