In the Past...

I emailed this to a friend, but then I thought I would post it here as well...

Before I came to know the Lord, I had a hard time understanding that God knew all of my pain. My dad had raised me to be bitter any time something happened and I thought I deserved something I didn't get. He also raised me to compare myself with everyone else. His first question when I brought home a test was How did you do? And the second was How did everyone else do? Who I was and what I did was never good enough on its merit.

When I came to surrender my heart to the Lord and realize that He is in control and I'm not (I held so tightly to control that I thought I had of my life), God comforted me and I knew He loved me. He washed the bitterness and anger from my heart. I had tried for years to get rid of it on my own and I couldn't. But, He did. God sent a friend to me to help me realize that God loved me and felt all of my pain. God did a lot of things through that in my life. I went to several people that I had thought had intentionally acted to hurt me over the years. I learned and realized that things they had done had not been done with the intention of hurting me.

I understand a lot more now then I did then. This world is made up of imperfect people. And sometimes--even the people we love the very most and who love us will let us down and even hurt us. We are all sinners. God loves us and forgives us and he does the same for them. I remember my dad once asking me "Don't you want to just hurt people back if they've hurt you?" I said No, dad, because that means they're hurting even more. I had realized that when someone lashes out at you, they are hurting and when we lash back it only starts a horrible cycle of hurting each other. And the wounds only get deeper and deeper. When I asked my dad about it, he replied back that he would hurt them back even worse if someone hurt him. And I can see the deep, deep bitterness and anger in his heart because of this and what it's done in his life.

God helped me see through that. That in the same way I hurt people when I was hurting--other people sometimes did that to me. It helped me turn to God for comfort instead of lashing back--and stop the cycle of continually hurting each other. God gave me friends that would listen and encourage me to read the Bible, His Word. My friends will pray with and for me. And if you are one of my friends and are reading this, please know that I appreciate you so much!