My Fast

I fasted from surfing and television for 5 days. I didn't blog or read any blogs for 8 days. And I didn't check facebook for 6 or 7 days (I'm not sure which). One thing that I hadn't realized was how much I need the internet and computer for. I didn't surf (looking just to look rather than going on the internet because I had to do something), I think, until Friday or watch anything. I did fudge a little bit though if I had a purpose (like looking up some dietary information for a friend). I used the computer only for things I had to do. It made me so aware of how much I look to my computer and the internet for!

On Friday afternoon, I was so upset with our puppy that all I wanted to do was go downstairs turn on the television and give my brain and heart a break! Now that says something doesn't it? I called a friend and talked first instead. She challenged me to think about whether or not I would feel guilty. I had work to do and so I went downstairs and listened to focus on the family on the internet while I got some picking up and sorting done of my homeschool materials. I think I also watched the season finale of NCIS online.

I didn't feel guilty. But, I felt like I had learned a huge lesson. The computer and television both have their place--a very limited place. In my selfishness, I can get caught up reading, learning, or watching something and put off my children's needs or my other responsibilities for a few minutes or more. That isn't okay. I need to stop doing that. My children need to know that they are far more important than anything I have to do on the computer. Even if it is something I have to do--it can be done during their nap in the afternoon or after they go to bed or before they wake--not while they are awake.

What did come back in line was having my devotions first thing every morning. I'm just not very good at sitting down and reading God's Word if I don't do it in the morning before the kids wake up. I need to always remember this.

Sometimes we have to give up something completely--a permanent fast. I think I will have to fast again soon. I think God still has more to teach me about this. But, it is amazing how strong a yearning can be when you can't have something. A good friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 4 years came to visit us yesterday. She can no longer eat any dairy or refined sugar. That has made a huge (!) impact on her diet. No more cheese, chocolate, sweets, yogurt, milk, etc. I love sweets. And even while she was here, the realization that I couldn't have a cookie or a piece of chocolate ate at me--I honestly longed for it! I had no idea it had such a hold over me! I know I'm being very honest in this admission. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way =) I snuck a Hershey's kiss on Sunday! How horrible! That I feel guilty for--that I couldn't go a day without chocolate! I remember when I was pregnant with Autumn and I had to give up chocolate, tomatoes, oranges and orange juice, beans, cabbage, and broccoli for 9 months. It was amazing how God took away all of my desire for those things! But, I know it isn't always so easy. I think I might need to pray about fasting from that =)

In truth, anything that I give more importance to than I ought--that I think I need and don't can become an idol. I don't want to worship anyone or anything but God! This week I was reading in Matthew about seeing the log in my own eye before I point out the speck in another's eye. I think that's worthy of much contemplation =)

Speaking of priorities, I have taken a break from life tonight and taken some time to be by myself--watching the end of a movie and letting go of some things, but now it is time to go to sleep! Time to get back on track!