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Seeing Pain

 I had my first follow-up appointment today.  It went well and I am grateful.  In some ways, I'm amazed that I was able to stay in my house for two weeks, not go anywhere, and not go stir crazy.  I am thankful I have been occupied.  

Two more weeks--then I can hopefully start PT and beginning to walk.  Two more weeks of taking it easy and living while time passes.   

In the waiting room, I had two conversations with different men.  The first asked what happened.  I explained that I had ankle surgery and had a good follow-up visit.  He then replied that he wouldn't tell me what happened to his friends.  I inferred that they had hard experiences.

The man sitting across from me shared about his ankle pain and arthritis.  I felt bad for him and asked if he did exercises to strengthen his ankle.  He was older and in his 70s.  I commented that it was a blessing he could walk.  I sympathized with his pain.  

Pain is hard.  I know it is.  I've dealt with it so many times and in so many forms.  It's often invisible.  When you live with pain, you have a choice every day about how much you can bear with and how much you need to push through.  My ankle in a cast is very visible pain but even so, sometimes people notice and sometimes they don't.  

In my experience, sometimes people see you and sometimes they don't.  

Yesterday, a little boy at the bagel shop thought I was a pirate because of my walking cast.  I smiled and laughed.  When people took the time to help my husband hold the door open for me at the bagel shop, I was very grateful.  

Three weeks ago on the first day that I broke my ankle, I went to one of my appointments alone.  I had to figure out how to open one of the doors at the doctor's office alone because I didn't have any help.  It was the beginning of my journey and I sat in the lobby with tears afterwards.  No one said anything to me.  I pulled myself together and talked to the lady at the desk to figure out my next steps.  And then I kept going.

When I think about pain, I think the best balm that helps make it more bearable is kindness.  

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