Last week, we were sitting in a church service when a gal spoke and described the place that some people are at as driving the car with the red gas light just going on--warning you that you're almost empty. I thought that was a good description for where I've been at for a while. This summer has been one of the most humbling of my life. It's been hard and I've pouted and whined and griped at God. I've been just like my kids! Coping with Molly, 3 kids, homeschooling, and my husband's absence for a total of 4 months in the last 10 has taken a toll.
I was at another church this morning and as I corrected Sami and was frustrated with Eli, I realized all the backpedalling that I need to do to get back to where I feel God has called me to be as a mom to my children and a wife to my husband. The other moms at the church were calm and their kids were behaving--because they had trained them. I did not feel judged or pressured. Rather, I was upset with myself--knowing where I need to be and want to be and am not. My heart is not calm or patient with my children right now and that is where I desire to get to--I'm not sure if I've ever been there. Life seems to like throwing me curveballs. But, I do feel convicted that I need to learn how to get there and to calm down--the chaos that is ever present in my life is just that--ever present. That fact is that I have 3 kids and a puppy and that isn't going to change. I need to trust God's sovereignty and lean on Him and seek to glorify Him by not giving in to my own desires, but rather seek self-control and love my family well.
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