love to paint

 I had my first follow-up appointment today.  It went well and I am grateful.  In some ways, I'm amazed that I was able to stay in my house for two weeks, not go anywhere, and not go stir crazy.  I am thankful I have been occupied.   Two more weeks--then I can hopefully start PT and beginning to walk.  Two more weeks of taking it easy and living while time passes.    In the waiting room, I had two conversations with different men.  The first asked what happened.  I explained that I had ankle surgery and had a good follow-up visit.  He then replied that he wouldn't tell me what happened to his friends.  I inferred that they had hard experiences. The man sitting across from me shared about his ankle pain and arthritis.  I felt bad for him and asked if he did exercises to strengthen his ankle.  He was older and in his 70s.  I commented that it was a blessing he could walk.  I sympathized with his pain.   P...

 This is a real concern.  When I was at the hospital for my surgery, the two women that left before me had pants with form fitting legs on them.  They were sweats, but not loose sweats.  I'm really thankful for the pants I bought on Amazon and I thought I would post a link in case anyone is ever searching and trying to figure out what to wear.   So, here is my recommendation: Loose capris.  It's spring, but we still had snow.  When I first broke my ankle, I borrowed a pair of wide leg sweats from one of my girls.  But, I knew I needed some pants to get me through 1-2 months.  I tried the local stores, but none of them had anything in stock that would work (I looked online, not in the stores to check).  So, I looked at Amazon and found these pants:  ZOOSIXX Soft Black Pajama Pants for Women, Wide Leg Comfy Casual Lounge Yoga Capri Pants 22''  I bought three pairs of 22" wide leg capri pants. From the  Zoosix brand on Amazon...

I listened to a podcast on Sunday by John Piper.  He talked about choosing what to focus on in a moment by moment basis.  One of my friends said to me yesterday that God gave me time to slow down.   It is true.  As a mom, this is an interesting season.  My kids don't need me in the way they did for so many years.  But, they still need me.   My kids have watched me be very busy for the last year and as many times as I've told them I always have time for them, I know life has felt rushed. But, now I'm stuck on the couch and my kids come talk to me.  I love their stories and hearing about their lives and their days.  That is a blessing of being forced to slow down.  

I realize I need to settle in.  Adjust.   What are the practical challenges of breaking your leg? 1. You can't carry anything.   So, my daughter swapped my purse supplies into a backpack purse.   I always wear a hoodie because I can stick my phone or glasses in the pocket. 2. Normal pants don't work.   I found some loose knit capris on Amazon.  These were a great, comfortable purchase!  I have 3 pairs and I'm very thankful for them.  Totally worth it! 3. Keeping track of medicine.   I set alarms on my phone to repeat daily.  But, I found it was easy to forget if I had taken it if I got distracted.  So, I write it down on a piece of paper.  I also set out my mid-sleep tylenol in a cup so that I don't get mixed up.  

 6 Days.  I worked on the couch today.   What Is. Covid changed a lot of things, but one of the silver linings was that it allowed workplaces to adjust to people working remotely in an ongoing basis.  So, I can work now.  My day has passed.  It's almost dinnertime. After work, I sat on the front porch and listened to my husband chat with our neighbor.  He shared stories of the bones he'd broken in his life.  Then, I opened up facebook and saw that the son of a facebook broke his leg or ankle.   I'm not the only one who has broken a bone.   I can't rush.  Anything.  Everything I do is slow right now.  Except typing.  I can still type. What Isn't.  I can't get my own food and I'm hungry at the moment.   What Is. My daughter cooked dinner and we ate.  It's not exactly on my time, but I'm grateful she's cooking. She made us bibimbap rice bowls for dinner with roasted vegetables and an egg on top.  She'...

 It was Daylight Savings Time this morning.  My phone automatically adjusted to the time change.   My oldest daughter has adjusted her sleep schedule so that she can wake at 5:30 am and let our dog Iggy outside and make me coffee before everyone else wakes up.  So, when she came down this morning, I talked her through how to change the clocks downstairs and upstairs.  Changed them on the oven and the microwave oven...   It's a little thing.   Ten years ago, I got sick and the consequence was that I have to exercise every day.  I'm grateful for that now.  Yoga has made my legs strong and strengthened my balance so I can get around on crutches and lift up my leg to elevate it.  I had to accept at the time that exercise wasn't a choice anymore, but rather a requirement.  I'm glad for that.  Exercising hasn't always been easy and even often painful, but I had to tell myself it wasn't a choice.  I've realize many times that it ...

 It's been a long time since I last wrote on this blog, but it's home to me.  When I was raising my kids, this was where I wrote thoughts, book reviews, homeschooling lessons I learned...  But, my life shifted.  My time and attention shifted.  I stopped reviewing books and volunteered with my kids activities.  And then they grew up.  I started working outside my home and my kids became independent.  They didn't need me to drive them places anymore.   And then the ice won last Wednesday before the last of it melted away. We've had snow and ice where I live for a month and a half.  I was careful not to slip.  But, it was the last of it and I had stepped through it in the backyard so I didn't worry about it anymore.  And then I slipped.   The ice won and I broke my ankle. And now I'm on the couch.  I look forward to walking again, but don't know when that will be.  I hope for 6 weeks until I can walk again, but know...

 I just finished cooking the homemade noodles that my three teenagers worked together to make.  It's a family tradition that my mom started when I was little.  Christmas Eve dinner has always been homemade noodles, meat sauce, salad with Italian dressing, and French bread.  I have a cold this year, so that kids tackled the noodles on their own with just a little instruction from me.   For the past few days, my husband has given me many hugs.  I think this time of year is making him especially aware that I might not have been here.  I joked at dinner the other night with my kids that I'm thankful not to be a vegetable.  To me, it's meant to be a funny, yet serious joke.  But, I can see in my kids' eyes that it causes more pain than laughter in their hearts.   Life can change in the blink of an eye.  I started May 26th like a normal day tackling my household chores before heading off to a Memorial Day ceremony.  My husband was in...

Over the past few months, I have read the book "Forgive: Why Should I, How Can I?" by Tim Keller.  I rarely read books when they are released, but this one caught my attention and I wanted to read it. For the most part, I really enjoyed the book.  I found the text to be very helpful and it challenged me to look at my own heart and past experiences and responses.  It also helped me articulate and identify some of the changes I have seen in our culture over the past decade that have concerned me.  I would recommend this book--with two warnings. The first warning is that this book doesn't give a lot of attention to addressing abusive relationships and forgiveness.  I wish that had been more attention given to abuse and harmful relationships and what biblical responses to such relationships might be.  That would have been helpful, I think.  The second warning is my disagreement with Appendix D: Reconciliation Practices. In Appendix D, Keller walks the read...

A while back, I read the transcript from an interview on NPR.  The interview was part of their "Dear Life Kit" series.  The subject was a letter someone wrote asking advice about a situation that had previously happened.   The writer had uninvited a family member to their wedding when they replied late and informed the bride and groom that they were bringing two uninvited people with them.  My first thought when I read the word "uninvited" was whether the two people had an antagonistic relationship with the bride and groom.  No.  That wasn't the case.  There was a limit on the number of people they could have attend the wedding, but the writer didn't mention whether everyone else invited had replied and could come, so there might have been room for these two extra people.   Then, I read the advisor's verdict.  She declared that the bride had done the right thing but that it was natural for there to be a ripple effect and consequences in the f...

  This post is about irony that I never expected. Back in April, I taught a two hour class to a group of teenagers about Cyber Bullying.  Everywhere, you can find the message aimed at teens that they should speak up if they are being bullied.  But, what is Cyber bullying? "Cyberbullying is  the use of cell phones, instant messaging, e-mail, chat rooms or social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter to harass, threaten or intimidate someone . Cyberbullying is often done by children, who have increasingly early access to these technologies."  from www.techtarget.com   Some people say cyberbullying by definition is only done by teenagers.  But, then we'd need another word when it's done by adults.  So, for sake of this post, let's consider cyberbullying to be bullying--harrassing, threatening, or intimidating done by adults, teens, or children to others using technology. Two years ago, my family experienced cyberbullying when the kids of a te...

 The internet is a funny thing.  Even if we don't think anyone will read what we write--and it's one of hundreds of comments, someone might.   I have always been very matter of fact about things.  I can say things without emotion that are shocking really.  It is my way of accepting them, acknowledging them, but not getting lost in them.   Pain has the ability to swallow us up, shape us, or refine us.  I want the pain I've walked through to be used by God to refine me--to help me grow and love others better.   One side effect of being matter of fact and being very honest about things is that it can lead people to believe that I've shared the whole picture when I've only shared a part.  Over the years, I've learned to be discerning.  There are some people that I have treasured as friends who I can really share not only the matter of fact things, but the emotions that I've wrestled with that have accompanied those matter of fact things. ...

 I learned last night that my father died earlier this week.   There are moments in life when you feel like you should feel a certain way.  You should have a reaction, yet you don't.  This is one of those moments for me.   When I got the news, I searched for an obituary, but found none.   Who was my dad?   He was a man with a large presence.  His physical presence was something he used to make himself known.  People either got along with him or they didn't.  And if they didn't, they either walked away or stayed silent.   He was a man who pulled himself up by his bootstraps after flunking out of college his freshman year.  He attended community college for a year, got straight A's, and then transferred back in and went on to graduate with a bachelor's degree.  I think it was in business. He was a man who always had ideas about how to make money, though he was very quick to spend on credit.   He was a man, who after div...

 A month ago, I was talking with an older woman who was making excuses for the decisions someone had made.  The excuses, I knew, were really the reasons for her sympathy for her bad choices.  I, too, felt sympathy for the choices that had been made and the situation that had resulted.  But, my perspective is a little different.  I also felt that the woman had choices about how to respond to her own pain. Years ago, my best friend had a friend who had been abused by her husband for many years.  My friend shared with me that her friend had become an abuser towards her children, taking her frustration and stress out on her kids instead of protecting them.  After the woman later got a divorce and entered her senior years, she couldn't understand why her children didn't like her or want to be around her.  She didn't recognize that she had become an abuser herself.   In life, when we are faced with stressful situations, it can be tempting to lash o...

When I was getting my master's degree in education, one of our assignments required us to pick a book to read and write a report about it.  The book had to be chosen from a selection of books on varied topics in regard to education.  I chose You Can't Say You Can't Play by Vivian Paley.  At the time I read it, I had no idea how much a single book would impact my philosophy about life for years to come. The book's premise is a simple one.  Paley conducted a social experiment in her kindergarten classroom and made a new rule:  You can't say, "You Can't Play (with me/us)".  The kindergarteners response to its introduction was astonishing.  One child even asked rhetorically what the point of play was if they couldn't say it! Yet, the rule changed the climate of her classroom in an extremely positive way and children who had been excluded the first few weeks of school found friends.  She also asked a 4th grade classroom at the same time to try this ...

This is a longer note than I can post on Facebook, but it is over the years I have noticed something that I have never quite been able to reconcile with. When people die and get married, often a very different picture is painted of reality.  And it troubles me.  I have known parents who were abusive throughout their lives to their children when they were both children and adults, who have been painted as loving husbands/wives and fathers/mothers who cared deeply for their families when they die.  Yet, the family members told me these people were unkind and selfish, which is to put it mildly.  Their children were deeply wounded by what they had endured from their parents throughout their lives.  I noticed this morning on the news that there was outrage that the young man who murdered several people in Dayton, Ohio, was painted as a kind and loving young man--yet no mention was made of how he died.  In a way, I understand their consternation and frust...

A few months ago, I read a blog post that a friend on Facebook had linked to.  The mom was lamenting her life and explaining that no one understands how hard her life is, but also that it is truly harder than anyone else's. After I read the post, I felt differently than the author did.   Throughout the post, she talked of friends she had--friends who listened, friends who tried to help.  She even getting to go on a girls' night out.  From where I stand, she has many huge blessings. Her friends and family may have loved her and her family imperfectly... but they were clearly trying.  If she has gone on a girls' night out, she has had some time with friends--by herself.  Each of us face struggles every day.  Some are silent and invisible.  Some are more visible.  This mom in the post has a special needs child.  Her struggles are very real. So are mine--even though they are invisible and silent.  Mine aren't less or more...

Two months ago, I read a post that a page I followed had linked to on Facebook.  I was curious, so I went to the article and read it on the site Gentle Reformation (www.gentlereformation.com.  The title of the post was "A Letter to the Inactive Member".  As I read even the first paragraph, my heart became unsettled.  Something was implied in the first paragraph that was a slight twisting on Scripture.  It wasn't directly stated, but it was there, so I read on to see what the author would say as he wrote on. What the author, Kyle Borg, implied in the first paragraph of what he wrote was a particular interpretation of the Parable of the Lost Sheep from Luke 15.  I felt he implied that when the shepherd has to go after the lost sheep that the lost sheep is negligent because he/she is causing the shepherd to neglect the other ninety-nine--and that is irresponsible and unfair to the shepherd and the other ninety-nine sheep. These are his words as to why i...

My girls have both entered their teenage years.  Yet, they are so different from each other.  In conversations with each of them this past week, I became aware of moments when I frustrated them.  And I was reminded of something that my husband warned me about a while ago.  He advised me to tread carefully with them even when I have strong opinions because I need to protect and preserve my relationships with them so that they might here me when I need them to--and when I want them to. Last week, my oldest daughter and I went to a college fair.  Those kind of things are fascinating to me and aren't intimidating at all.  My daughter on the other hand, was a bit overwhelmed.  But, I plowed on ahead.  I learned some information that I needed to know to help me select her courses for high school that I hadn't known before--even though I had already done a lot of research already.  The most helpful part of the night for my daughter was a table we ...

A few weeks ago, I was listening to a mom telling me that she was in a place where she was really enjoying homeschooling and feeling good about being a mom.  She was in one of those places I've been before--savoring a moment of peace and contentment that you're doing what God wants you to and that things are working!  I remember the first time I had that feeling.  I think it was after the end of my oldest daughter's second grade year.  The feeling lasted for a month or so. Since then, I've had times when I've felt that peace about parenting and school.  Sometimes that peace lasted minutes, sometimes hours, days, weeks, or months.  But, I have learned that it comes and goes.  Having it is a blessing--a time of rest.  When it is absent though, I have learned that it doesn't mean things are wrong, instead, it usually means one of two things for me... 1.  It's time to step back and evaluate.  What's working, what's not.  and 2.  ...